Old ladies didn't get old by being stupid...
5/16 '18
Old ladies have ways of doing things that seem silly or dated or whatever... but ya know what? These old-lady ways WORK.
Like, I have this great sweater-dress that I wear with tights or leggings, but I'm always yanking on it because sweater + leggings = sticking to each other. What's a girl to do? Wear a (half)slip.
Slips?! But those are for old ladies!
Yeah, but ya know what? Old ladies aren't pulling on their damn dresses all day... because the slip just fucking works.
I jumped on Amazon to buy two half-slips (insert joke here about why didn't I just buy one whole one instead-- herpaderp), one black and one cream-colored... and instead I discovered a magical thing called "pettipants," which is a floofy slip but with leg-holes so your thighs don't touch. And I wore it under my sweater-dress and over my leggings for Mothers Day and sweetwoundedjesus it was magical. I was comfy, the dress looked great, and I didn't have my hand up my arse tugging and unsticking myself all day.
Old ladies. They get it.
Some Other Old Lady Stuff that I'm Using and It's Working Great:
1) Washing my hair once per week, if that... otherwise I just slap conditioner on it and rinse it out. (Some days I just chuck on a shower cap and don't wet my hair at all. They're really onto something with the not-daily-hairdo. Boom. Done.
2) Cleaning my house with stuff like a vinegar solution, borax, baking soda, etc. It's cheap, it works like a mofo. Boom. Handled.
3) Oil of Olay. I'm talkin' the OG OoO... the shit just works. Smells like Nana. Boom. Addressed.
4) Cold cream to get your makeup off... even impossible stuff like waterproof mascara and that liquid lipstick. Boom. Fixed.
5) Those pillows that go between your knees when you sleep. HOLY CRAP, what a godsend! Without it, my hip is screeeeeaming in the morning. With it, happy times. Boom. Finito.
6) Bathtub handles. OK, I don't have a bathtub/shower handle in my bathroom (yet), but whenever I stay in a hotel with one I'm much happier. Should probably get one.
7) Toppik for thinning hair. No, it's not the scalp spraypaint of the Ron Popeil days... these are little fibers that you sprinkle on and they really fill in the slightly sparse spots. They're not gonna make a totally bald person look like Fabio, but it is amaaaaazing. Really works. For men and women. Boom. Fixx0r3d.
So, there you have it.
Any other old-people hacks that work for you?
Of course, I don't wear slips much anymore because I don't wear dresses much, or the ones I do wear are clingy-like, so what I need is something underneath to smooth out all the bumps.
That's my chief complaint with aging, I think. Getting lumpy. I mean, I'm still pretty skinny. but the older I get the lumpier I get.
Well that and all the little pockets between my teeth. Now I want pettipants for my teeth.
Yeah, the teeth thing is starting to concern me. I sleep with my mouth open (so sexy) so I get dry mouth really bad, which is no bueno for teefs. My dentist has tried a zillion things to lube up my mouf overnight (wow, sounds dirty) but alas, the gum-pockets persist. I'm gonna need a gum-graft soon, I know it. Ugh.
And a full-slip that ends in pettipants would be magical! One that was slightly form-fitting to just gently smooth things out without being tight like spanx would rock.
Anyone sew? (Hey Ursula!)
Only probably with full slip with petti-pants? Going to the bathroom. Y'gotta strip allllll the way down.
Not unrelated: panti-liners. Because sneezing proves I gave birth.
Also usually don't take off my makeup because I kind dig the morning after look. (Not that a wear it every day. Cause retired and never got into the habit and often get home in a state of collapse and whatnot). But I use Nivea when I do.
I'm a believer in not washing hair more than once every week or so. I find the less I wash it, the less often it needs washing.
I wear Hanes Women's Stretch Jersey Bike Shorts shorts under my dresses to solve the thigh rub problem. And sometimes boxer shorts when my bike shorts are all in the wash.
I'm going to get me some pettipants
I wear Matt's stretchy boxer-briefs when I need a no-thigh-touching solution. Soooo comfy.
That's a textured hair thing, though, not really an old-lady thing. Hrm.
- Does using only a paper calendar, no Google or Outlook or anything count? I really hate telling Google and social media what I'm up to.
- I keep a designated ceramic thing above the kitchen sink for rings and watch, because I don't like wearing jewelry while I'm cooking or cleaning up. It feels a little old-ladyish.
I have a month-paper calendar that has images of Extraordinary Chickens-- I've been buying this chicken calendar since probably 2008. Flipping to the month and revealing the new chicken is a very happy ritual. (It was always The Weather Channel's calendar before that.)
But GAAH-- I agree with the Supamoto website: the time between months really fooks things up, and I always miss early-month birthdays, and I hate not having an idea of what the next few months look like at a glance.
Hmmm. Not sure where I'd put this or if I could end my chickenny ways, but your calendar here is pretty spectacular.
I think what I really dislike about computer- or device-based calendar systems is that you can't simply flip through them. For some reason it just irritates the heck out of me to have to clicky-clicky-click-scroll-blah and toggle between the views of day, week, and month to just frickin' see what my workload looks like for the next 10-20 days.
Some things are meant to stay analog.
And what I like most about paper calendar keeping? It forces you to slow. the fuck. down. And it makes you less instantly schedule-accessible to everyone else. People say, "Can you do thus and such on this or that day?" and I get to say, "You know what, I don't have my calendar handy just now; I will look and get back to you!"
But I have always admired you for your life-hacks and frugality hacks and just general sensible-ness.