Jill "xtingu" Knapp

Traveling musician. Singer. Road warrior in bursts. Dork. Easy to spot. Gauche eyeshadow fan. Unreasonably happy.

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Well, that explains/confirms a lot.

Have you ever felt like crap but you had stuff to do so you wouldn't allow yourself to really BE sick, and then when you get medical confirmation that you are, indeed, sick, you suddenly feel 73,000 times worse?  So, that.

I admit I'm about due for an iron infusion, but I've worked so little this year that I figured, "Meh, I haven't been flying around the country every week, so maybe my iron is better than the calendar implies it should be." So I ignored it, like an idiot.

And last week I got the always annoying and "Holy shit it's now serious" angular chelitis, which is when the corner of your lip rips and no amount of lip balm, neosporin, or other ointments in the universe will heal it. It is caused by iron deficiency and/or its good friend Vitamin B/folate deficiency.  As soon as my lip ripped, I thought, "OK, no more fucking around and trying to ignore this. Get your damn bloodwork and get fixed, Knapp."

I only had my period twice in 2016, so I assumed my ol' body was doing the menopause thang (my Mom went through it early, too)... but in 2017 it's been back with a vengeance. As of July, I've had 4 periods already, and they've all been 10 days long (as always) and ridiculously heavy. So yeah, even though I haven't been traveling as much this year and using up my iron reserves by running through airports, instead I'm exhausting my iron reserves by being a freakin' female. (A female who would love to have her ladyparts removed, thx... but noooooo, good heavens. "We don't just go removing perfectly good organs," says my OB/GYN.  Nice. Yank it out, please. And no, I don't want an endometrial ablation... good lord, it sounds awful.)


I went for my double-bloodwork on Monday... which means I had 2 vials of blood drawn for my anemia labs, but I also had *11 vials* drawn for my "big bloodwork" which tests everything from protein, calcium, PTH, zinc* and everything else that could ever be tested.   I got my anemia labs back this morning (my "big bloodwork" results will take longer because they're so much bigger) and HOLY CRAP I am in the shiiiiiitter. Like shit-ter. SHITTER I SAY.  Not only did some results show "Low" (though if the target range of something was, say, 11-30, my value was 5), there were others that had a bold, italicized ALERT next to some which is to say "Daaaaaaaamn, girl."  So this definitely explains the desire to stay in bed 16 hours a day and also explains why I sound like shit in Lizzie rehearsals, and why at our last Hot Breakfast! shows I couldn't get through a damn phrase without taking extra breaths. (And people thought that was performey "faux exaustion."  Nope. Genuinely gasping, folks. Just trying to play it off so nobody calls the paramedics at a gig.)

I suppose the good news is that insurance won't have any problem paying for an iron infusion or two... though the dumb news is that an iron infusion costs $500 if I were to pay out of pocket (which is a bargain), but costs $3000 when billed to insurance.

At Labcorp, they said I owed $18.00 out of pocket for my anemia labs, and $83.00 out of pocket for my big labs. I have an $8500 deductible.  Only $8399 out of pocket to go!  Plus $490/month for the honor of having this "insurance."  I am SO mixed on the ACA. On one hand, I am so happy I can even qualify for insurance (hello, pre-existing condition), but I have to mentally budget $490 x 12 + $8500 a year for healthcare. I don't feel $14380's worth of sick... especially when an iron infusion costs $500 out of pocket. I have to keep telling myself this insurance is there in case I get hit by a truck or get that cancer diagnosis that is lurking around the corner.**


In other news, Matt and I were supposed to head down to the beach today until Thursday morning, but we just found out 20 mins ago that Matt's friend Lisa's dad has passed and his services are tomorrow... so we'll be home instead.  It's kinda funny how we've had this beach trip on the calendar for two weeks, but I never really "felt in The Force" that we were going. And boom-- there it is. I feel awful about Lisa's dad... that poor girl has had waaaay more bad shit happen in her life than anyone else should. She's a friggin' math teacher, ferfuckssake. Bad shit shouldn't happen to math teachers. 

Does anyone here watch Stranger Things ? Matt subscribes to Entertainment Weekly which helps us pretend we have a vague idea about what is happening in pop culture (though it just reinforces that we really don't)... but EW makes a compelling case for Stranger Things. So do a few of our friends who all say "Out of everyone, we can't believe YOU don't watch it!" (Geez, you do a Total Eclipse of the Heart cover and all of a sudden you're stuck at 17.  Eh, nah... really... I guess we wear our trapped-in-the-80s-dom loud and proud on our sleeves. Why fight it?) I admit I haven't binge-watched a show in eons, and it is kinda fun... so I'm thinking that might be something to do on this staycation.

In other news, I want to shoot myself in the fucking face for missing Lindsay Harris-Friel ​​​​​'s big reading this past weekend. It's been in the back of my head as something I had every intention of doing, and boom... I just didn't. I kept thinking July had one more week left, and I just never put it on my calendar... blah blah blah. I can't blame anyone but myself. I'm a fucking idiot.  But I am really, really sad I missed it. Not only selfishly because I really do like that play and I wanted to see someone else's interpretation of it... but also because I love Lindsay and want to support my friend. (Don't worry, I emailed this to her already... but I'm still kicking my own ass VERY HARD over it.) 

I mean, I do expect to miss out on a large percentage of things in life because I'm not on Facebook, and some people only communicate events and life happenings there (which is cool).  But I take my "if I'm not gonna be on Facebook then I will listen very carefully on OPW/DW/Email/meatspace" obligation very seriously. But I fucked up. Ugh. I'm a schmuckface.

OK, I'm gonna go figure out what to do about my hairz. (Dye it at home? Go back to The Land of Triple Processing Overpriced Brillo? Try somewhere new? I have to have presentable hair by Friday, cause I have a new client meeting and blue/green/gray hair isn't gonna cut it.)

Ok, I got stuff to do.


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*  (Is it just me? I cannot type or say "zinc" without hearing the Simpsons fake school science movie bit with "Come back, Zinc!" Anyone else?)

** (I'm a Knapp. I've got tons of cancer on both sides of the family... plus never having been pregnant increases my chances of breast cancer bigly, and only being on hormonal contraception for like 20 minutes in fits and spurts also increases the risk of ladycancer. Whatever. Bring it.)

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I got a couple episodes in and then did my usual meh. But I do that with almost everything "on TV." Whatever that means now.

I'm only six episodes into freakin' Breaking Bad and that show is amazing.

It sucks that you're stuck in the category of people who probably couldn't have insurance at fucking all before... but now have to get mortgage-priced insurance with deductibles so high they don't actually catch a break in practice unless hit by a truck. These are the people who would benefit most from single payer... always providing it doesn't do a worse job with situations like your iron deficiency. The devil is in the details.
My friend Patty wrote the pilot and first season of Breaking Bad. She had to live in New Mexico for a few months as they shot it. I'm so happy you dig it! (I didn't watch it, but my dad was tooootttaaaallllyy into it.)
Your friend Patty is genius on toast.
OF COURSE you know someone who worked on something as epic as breaking bad. Somehow, I'm not even surprised by this.
Leela 8/2 '17
Stranger Things was like reading an early Stephen King novel, the kids are like the D&D nerds in the 80s version of the kids in The Body aka Stand By Me. Winona Ryder is really good and the world of the show is totally 80stastic.
You'll dig it.
We watched three episodes last night and are DEFINITELY hooked. Yaaaaay!
Yeah, this. Agree with Shelle completely.
Karen Kuhl 8/2 '17
I feel you on the lurking cancer diagnosis thing. And on the wanting your lady parts removed thing. And about the 10 day periods, oof.

Very glad you got to the doctor and are able to get some iron. The cost thing through?!? ...It should just be $500, period. The ACA has allowed me to have decent affordable insurance, and what with my recent breast lump it may well have actually saved my life. But I'm sorry you fall in the category of folks who have a rent-sized bill to pay every month. There has to be a better way.

Also, stranger things! Watch it! 😁
Leela 8/1 '17edited
hooooooooleeeeeeesheeeeet. thank goodness you did that blood test... that is freaking CRAY. hope you start feeling better soon!

Stranger Things is awesome. So is Breaking Bad, probably one of the best shows I've ever watched in my life. Every single episode is perfect, not a bad one in the bunch.
Jenn A 8/2 '17
Oh no. I'm going to get sucked into Breaking Bad. I can tell already. Especially since I'm trying to cut cable out soon.
Karen Kuhl 8/2 '17
Karen, it took me about 6 episodes to like it. Then, I binge watched like I thought I'd never see a TV again. 😂
Leela 8/3 '17
I watched most of season one of Breaking Bad. I thought the writing was excellent, but I got sick of watching him lie to his wife, so I was done. Most people who watched it loved it. I am not unilaterally opposed to people who lie to spouses (I enjoyed Mad Men), but when I watch a TV show, I need somebody to like, even if that isn't the same character for the whole season or if my liking is spread among more than one character. The person I liked in Breaking Bad was the wife, and she kept getting shit on by her husband (and by the fans on the Internet). So I was done.
I had this same problem with Ray Donavon.
Karen Kuhl 8/4 '17
Don't go on the Internet. (:
Matt had a similar feeling about Breaking Bad. He loved it at first, but it was just so depressing and dark, and he just couldn't be in such a dark place every week, even if it was just a TV show.
I don't understand how there can be so many episodes of Breaking Bad, because every episode I've seen before is so perfect, and I can't imagine that being pulled off for years... obviously I can expect to be amazed!
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and suggest that, given your blood work results, you maybe might not wanna kick yourself *quite* so hard for missing Lindsay's reading...
Anne Mollo 8/3 '17
*COUGH* *WHEEZE* *BLEED* I'M SO GLAD I MADE IT TO YOUR *EXPIRE* yeah
Yeah this.
Anne Mollo 8/4 '17
Hahahaha! I was gentle-ish. :)
Jill "xtingu" Knapp 8/5 '17edited
Dang! PCP still nixing the hysterectomy? BLARGH. I'm recovering from mine, which sucks, but the suckage is orders of magnitude lower than the endless bleeding stuff. And my iron deficiency was nothing compared to yours.

I'm so sorry you're suffering. Boo! I am sending you virtual hugs, dark chocolate, spinach, and sweet potatoes. And meat, if you eat it.

I'm also sorry that virtual iron-rich foods aren't terribly helpful.
Kate Haney 8/8 '17
I know that the endless bleeding stuff was holy hell for you!!!! I hope you're all healed up soon and you can wear white pants every day now. (you know, all those white pants you own. LOL) xoxo
Jenn A 8/8 '17
I dunno if your reply is for me or for Jill, but I do indeed own white pants... and plan to wear
them just about every day between now and Labor Day!
Kate Haney 8/16 '17
excellent! i guess i'm thinking of our younger days, when all you and i wore was black. :) yay white pants!
Jenn A 8/17 '17
Absolutely! My anti-Kate (all-white) Halloween costume was one of my most successful ever.
Kate Haney 8/20 '17