Jill "xtingu" Knapp

Traveling musician. Singer. Road warrior in bursts. Dork. Easy to spot. Gauche eyeshadow fan. Unreasonably happy.

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Old ladies have ways of doing things that seem silly or dated or whatever... but ya know what? These old-lady ways WORK. 

Like, I have this great sweater-dress that I wear with tights or leggings, but I'm always yanking on it because sweater + leggings = sticking to each other.  What's a girl to do?  Wear a (half)slip. 

Slips?! But those are for old ladies!

Yeah, but ya know what? Old ladies aren't pulling on their damn dresses all day... because the slip just fucking works

I jumped on Amazon to buy two half-slips (insert joke here about why didn't I just buy one whole one instead-- herpaderp), one black and one cream-colored... and instead I discovered a magical thing called "pettipants," which is a floofy slip but with leg-holes so your thighs don't touch. And I wore it under my sweater-dress and over my leggings for Mothers Day and sweetwoundedjesus it was magical. I was comfy, the dress looked great, and I didn't have my hand up my arse tugging and unsticking myself all day.  

Old ladies. They get it.

Some Other Old Lady Stuff that I'm Using and It's Working Great:

1) Washing my hair once per week, if that... otherwise I just slap conditioner on it and rinse it out. (Some days I just chuck on a shower cap and don't wet my hair at all. They're really onto something with the not-daily-hairdo. Boom. Done.

2) Cleaning my house with stuff like a vinegar solution, borax, baking soda, etc.  It's cheap, it works like a mofo. Boom. Handled.

​​​​​​3) Oil of Olay. I'm talkin' the OG OoO... the shit just works. Smells like Nana. Boom. Addressed.

4) Cold cream to get your makeup off... even impossible stuff like waterproof mascara and that liquid lipstick. Boom. Fixed. 

​​​​​​​5) Those pillows that go between your knees when you sleep. HOLY CRAP, what a godsend! Without it, my hip is screeeeeaming in the morning. With it, happy times.  Boom. Finito.

6) Bathtub handles. OK, I don't have a bathtub/shower handle in my bathroom (yet), but whenever I stay in a hotel with one I'm much happier. Should probably get one.

7) Toppik for thinning hair. No, it's not the scalp spraypaint of the Ron Popeil days... these are little fibers that you sprinkle on and they really fill in the slightly sparse spots. They're not gonna make a totally bald person look like Fabio, but it is amaaaaazing. Really works. For men and women. Boom. Fixx0r3d.

So, there you have it.

Any other old-people hacks that work for you?


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5/16 '18 29 Comments
Heating pads, electric blankets, all the live long day.
Yes! Heating pads!
YES! Heating pads and electric blankets, even in the summer!
I've always loved full slips (and had them in two lengths, long and short) because you never have to adjust the waist or turn them—cuz they hang from the shoulder! But wouldn't it be UHmazing to have a full slip that ended in pettipants?!

Of course, I don't wear slips much anymore because I don't wear dresses much, or the ones I do wear are clingy-like, so what I need is something underneath to smooth out all the bumps.

That's my chief complaint with aging, I think. Getting lumpy. I mean, I'm still pretty skinny. but the older I get the lumpier I get.

Well that and all the little pockets between my teeth. Now I want pettipants for my teeth.
Yes! Pettipants for teeth!

Yeah, the teeth thing is starting to concern me. I sleep with my mouth open (so sexy) so I get dry mouth really bad, which is no bueno for teefs. My dentist has tried a zillion things to lube up my mouf overnight (wow, sounds dirty) but alas, the gum-pockets persist. I'm gonna need a gum-graft soon, I know it. Ugh.

And a full-slip that ends in pettipants would be magical! One that was slightly form-fitting to just gently smooth things out without being tight like spanx would rock.

Anyone sew? (Hey Ursula!)
I had a gum graft maybe 15 years ago. It's not so bad. I needed a massage the next day for my back & neck, 'cause I held myself so stiff.

Only probably with full slip with petti-pants? Going to the bathroom. Y'gotta strip allllll the way down.
Ah. Yeah, I didn't think about that. I hate clothes like that--anything that makes me strip to pee, or anything that's what I call "toddler clothes for women," meaning it has buttons or zippers in the BACK. Which requires you to ask for help getting dressed.
Ooooh, yeah, the full-strip es no bueno.
I know! Pettipant full slips with a back flap! snort.
Shampooing all the oil out of your hair and buying another product to deal with it being too dry now is how they getcha. Natural bristle hairbrush. Also Gold Bond Medicated Powder and Bag Balm. Although the bag balm is not for the bag, and the powder is. #mystery
Gold Bond is a magical substance. I like the extra-strength. I have learned where it should not go.
the old-lady-ist of my old-lady-isms: WID. As in "when in doubt." As in, pee when you get the chance, because you WILL need to pee before long.

Not unrelated: panti-liners. Because sneezing proves I gave birth.
I have no old lady hacks but I use Ponds.
Ponds ROCKS. I love the smell-- it brings me back to 1974 or something.
Huh. I never stopped wearing slips. I didn't realize they were old-ladyish.

Also usually don't take off my makeup because I kind dig the morning after look. (Not that a wear it every day. Cause retired and never got into the habit and often get home in a state of collapse and whatnot). But I use Nivea when I do.

I'm a believer in not washing hair more than once every week or so. I find the less I wash it, the less often it needs washing.

I wear Hanes Women's Stretch Jersey Bike Shorts shorts under my dresses to solve the thigh rub problem. And sometimes boxer shorts when my bike shorts are all in the wash.

I'm going to get me some pettipants
I remember someone telling me in like 2002 that slips were "for old ladies." I dunno why I didn't think to question it. But yeah-- now that you mention it, maybe slips never were an old-lady thing all this time, and I've been duped! Gaaah!

I wear Matt's stretchy boxer-briefs when I need a no-thigh-touching solution. Soooo comfy.
Wearing Boyfriend's underwear is so much fun.
I'll swing in and gross everybody out by stating that I haven't washed my hair in probably over 5 years. I condition it every morning. Once a month or so I deep-condition with shea butter and leave that in overnight. But in the shower every day, all I do is condition and rinse.

That's a textured hair thing, though, not really an old-lady thing. Hrm.

- Does using only a paper calendar, no Google or Outlook or anything count? I really hate telling Google and social media what I'm up to.

- I keep a designated ceramic thing above the kitchen sink for rings and watch, because I don't like wearing jewelry while I'm cooking or cleaning up. It feels a little old-ladyish.
YES PAPER CALENDARS! I get a "continuous" paper calendar every year from this guy https://supamoto.co/ Because LOVE the continuous part. .. I keep them around for years after as mementos of everything done.
I could use that. HMMMMM.....
Ooooooooh!

I have a month-paper calendar that has images of Extraordinary Chickens-- I've been buying this chicken calendar since probably 2008. Flipping to the month and revealing the new chicken is a very happy ritual. (It was always The Weather Channel's calendar before that.)

But GAAH-- I agree with the Supamoto website: the time between months really fooks things up, and I always miss early-month birthdays, and I hate not having an idea of what the next few months look like at a glance.

Hmmm. Not sure where I'd put this or if I could end my chickenny ways, but your calendar here is pretty spectacular.
Re Supamoto: YESSSSSS Monday start or GTFO.
I tried out a Quo Vadis "President" dealio (http://quovadiscanada.com/en/categorie-produit/diary-2018-en/diary-president-en/) almost 10 years ago and I haven't looked back since. I keep it in a red pleather cover that is impossible for me to leave behind anywhere, and I get the annual refill with Amazon points every November.

I think what I really dislike about computer- or device-based calendar systems is that you can't simply flip through them. For some reason it just irritates the heck out of me to have to clicky-clicky-click-scroll-blah and toggle between the views of day, week, and month to just frickin' see what my workload looks like for the next 10-20 days.
I'm with you re: the frustration of not being able to flip through the calendar pages. I have a calendar app called "Business Calendar" and I even bought the Pro version because it's the only calendar app that gives me the damn view I want... or I should say, gives me closest to what is the ideal (paper) view.

Some things are meant to stay analog.
Yep! I keep past years as references, sometimes just to remember but sometimes for important info, like medical event info, etc.
I ... have all my calendars dating back about 25 years.
Oh I'm with you on the paper calendar. And apparently I was so convincing I got a much younger colleague to switch!

And what I like most about paper calendar keeping? It forces you to slow. the fuck. down. And it makes you less instantly schedule-accessible to everyone else. People say, "Can you do thus and such on this or that day?" and I get to say, "You know what, I don't have my calendar handy just now; I will look and get back to you!"
I think these things are all brilliant.

But I have always admired you for your life-hacks and frugality hacks and just general sensible-ness.
aw, shucks