Jill "xtingu" Knapp

Traveling musician. Singer. Road warrior in bursts. Dork. Easy to spot. Gauche eyeshadow fan. Unreasonably happy.

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I wrote this Thursday, August 24th.

I woke up at 7am this morning crying my face off from a horrible dream where I was alone in a hotel room on a work trip, and it occurred to me that I was dying. I was actually mostly OK with dying, but I wanted to be with Matt and my parents, and I couldn't get to them. There's a lot more to the dream, but I'm typing on my phone here at the hospital... I'm currently getting my 2nd iron infusion, so I have a tube in my arm and today it's extra-pinchy for some reason.

Anyway, I have been on the verge of tears for 10 days. I don't know if it's that I've been in slightly more emotional situations lately, i.e., the house concert was great, but made us miss Paul; seeing Patty in California was awesome but her mom recently died and reminiscing was so, so good, but also really sad. The eclipse was happy and wonderful, but got me choked up. And singing just about anything makes me cry... if it sounds bad, I cry... if it sounds good, I cry.  I don't get it. Maybe this is the world's longest bout of PMS... but I've gotta figure out how to handle it, because I can't cry at rehearsal or during the shows!

Anyhoo, tonight I have my first Lizzie rehearsal since vacation. They moved into the theater while I was in California, so tonight I'll be seeing the set for the first time. I'm not gonna be able to sing tonight because my voice still sucks from this cold. Argh!

In other news, everyone here in the hospital chemo/infusion suite is extra-chipper today. It's a bright, sunny, 80-degree day today, and I think people are just kinda feeling the change of season starting. There are three other patients here right now (as opposed to last week where all 20 chairs were filled), and one patient is telling her cancer story-- she's a relatively new patient-- she's 37 with non-Hodgkins lymphoma. She said she had no idea she was even sick until someone mentioned she looked a little yellow. So she went to the doctor and he was like "Get your ass to the hospital NOW."   So hearing her story and the other patients talking about their chemo ports and yadda yadda makes me STOP BITCHING about having a dumb cold. (A crappy, tenacious cold with a lungmeat cough that is now here a week and holding my voice hostage... but whatever.)

We're taking our Billy Joel tribute to The Rehoboth Beach Bandstand this weekend, and we had to cut our 2-hour show down to 75 minutes. It'll be a quick but fun show. And when we get home we'll have a dogggggg. (We're dogsitting JD. Yaaay!) 

[...time elapses...]

Aaaah. My infusion is finished. They also gave me a steroid (Decadron), which, in addition helps prevent any potential death by anaphylaxis that iron infusing can sometimes (rarely) cause, will also reduce the inflammation of my vocal cords, so my voice should be back soon. 

August 28th Update

So it's a few days later and the Billy Joel show in Rehoboth was a smashing success... the guy who booked us said we had a crowd of about 1000, which is impressive considering the bandstand only has seats for 350. It looked like a sea of people out there, and everyone said that the audience was all singing along and dancing, which is cool. As usual, my damn mic barely worked and a zillion audience members complained to me after the show about it. I wasn't able to hear myself in the monitors so I crammed two earplugs in just so I could hear myself, and it was sub-optimal at best. Oh well.  

In other news, the ladytimes have kicked in, so at least I know why I was a crying hot mess last week. And hopefully it'll only last a week or 10 days so it'll be over for when Lizzie opens, considering we're wearing all white.  

If you're coming to see Lizzie, might I gently suggest coming to the second weekend if your schedule allows? 

In the last bit of news, we're dogsitting JD again. They've changed up his meds and he's a lot "doggier" now-- he's getting around better and seems happier, too. This is the best news.

8/28 '17 6 Comments
We're coming to the first weekend because custody schedule and inflexible ex-thing.

I have been having weird upsetting dreams lately too ... I have been sick and I blame the cold meds. Or just the floaty feeling of illness. Some of the dreams feel like echoes of other people's dreams.

Glad to hear about JD. Last time I saw him he was Not Good.
Very much looking forward to the show!
Thomas Boutell 8/28 '17
Glad to know you're back in control of your Jillness.
Okay, one more time for the slowies in the room like me: what are all the dates and times for your show?

Seriously considering crashing on your couch just sose I can see Lizzy but also seekritly sose I can meet you and, well, crash on your couch.

I suspect all of my own busy life plans will interfere with this plan, but a girl can dream.
Anne Mollo 8/28 '17
"This is the best news."

It really is.
JD update: Not Good as of today.
Jeremy update: same.

Matt and I were supposed to go to the beach to enjoy a little change of scenery, but Matt's folks forgot they told us we could use the beach place and instead gave it to Matt's aunt. (Totally no biggie.)

So earlier today I had to drop some stuff off in Philly for a client, and on my way home I got a frantic call from Jeremy. Apparently the Moskosteins are heading out of town tomorrow and so they brought JD to the dogsitter today-- it's the same dogsitter they've used for 8-9 years, whom JD loves and vice versa. But today JD just did not want to go. He was angry when they put him in the car, and once they drove to the dogsitter in NJ, JD was really not happy and didn't want to get out of the van. Eventually JD was coaxed out of the van and then bit the dogsitter on the arm and also snapped at and just barely missed a small dog whom JD normally gets along with.  JD has never bitten anyone/anything before (not that we can remember anyway), so this was scary, upsetting, confusing, and a zillion other adjectives one uses along with worried eyebrows. So the dogsitter said she couldn't risk not only her own safety but the safety of her other clients' dogs, so Jeremy was asked to get JD out.  It was a scary and awkward and sad situation for everyone involved... but Jeremy was also in a bind because he's trying to get his family on a plane and now he needs an emergency dogsitter for a dog who is now biting people he supposedly loves. I said "Bring him here, please... he'll be fine, and so will we."

Nicole and Jeremy brought JD over and he as soon as they pulled into our driveway, JD's tail was wagging and he was perfectly fine... clearly much much happier to be at our place.  If I had to guess, I'd say that JD is hurting and just didn't want to be someplace where he'd be annoyed by 5 other dogs and not where he's totally comfortable... so JD figured if he misbehaved at the dogsitter he'd get to go someplace else. Smart dog!

ADDED MONDAY the 24th:

So we had JD all weekend, and everything was perfectly fine... absolutely noooo sense of  doggie weirdness.  It is sad to see how often he'll be walking and BLAM his back legs give out. He doesn't seem to be "in pain," but when his rear legs just fail, it is kinda awkward and inconvenient for him when it happens. But when he's laying down he's still very much a happy, good, playful dog... so having end-of-life discussions seems premature right now. 

But JD was picked back up this morning and brought back to Chez Moskostein, because Laura and Audrey are back home from their trip now. (Jeremy will be away for a little while longer.)

In other news, Lizzie rehearsal is going well, and if the voices involved are the litmus, this is gonna be one hell of a show. 

OK, that's enough outta me.


7/24 '17 4 Comments
poor puppy! :( so good that auntie jill could give him luvs all weekend and deal with his wonky legs.
Jenn A 7/25 '17
You are a good human. Poor JD.
Thomas Boutell 7/25 '17
Oh, JD. Dogs teach us so much about love. I'm so glad you could be there for him and the Moskosteins.
Yes. This.