I got my planters put together yesterday evening in the last hour of daylight, and it was sooooo nice to sit outside and work in peace and play with plants.

Haven't done planters in 2 years, and certainly haven't felt this relaxed outside while doing it in 4 years.

My one set of friendly neighbors told another set of newer neighbors about my parking situation (without my knowledge 😬) and they agreed that they have no need to park there again, and were very understanding!! I thought that was really sweet (and saved me some serious anxiety). How nice was that?

I think that's everyone, now! I have had peace and privacy at my house for 6 months, and it has been SO healing.

Alright, I did it. I found some names for landscaping and handywork. Thanks, guys, for all the suggestions. (I knew about asking real estate agents, but totally didn't even think about librarians.)

Here's what I did...

A little bit of everthing:

• Instead of Fb or Nextdoor (YourDogShitInMyYardAgain.com), I went to the subreddit for my area. Awesome suggestion. I was already subbed, but hadn't thought about it with all the whelm. Saw a few names I knew from ads, some I didn't. Gave me a starting point. And I could ask questions.

• I looked at all circulars and Valpaks that came to my house for the last week. Great, there's a Clipper magazine, too, and they list a bunch, with coupons.

• Here was one I have been tempted to try but wasn't feeling up to it until the mood was just right- walked right up to the house with my favorite deck on it and asked the guy for his handyman's name. He was more than willing, and gave me the guy's business card. Sang his praises. Big win. I can see his work, and get a first hand review. The guy also does everything else because he helped build the neighborhood and knows the houses well. BINGO BANGO.

• LITERALLY JUST GOOGLED "_____ near me". Picked the first three landscapers closest to me. Called all three, left messages, followed-up with texts including pictures. One answered immediately, one a week later, and one, so far, not at all. Have seen one already and received a rough quote, got another coming Saturday.

• Asked a real estate agent. Got a name. Saw it was a name already mentioned in the local subreddit. Booyah.

• There aren't really teens in my neighborhood, it's more like a retirement community. Buuut, I do have the name of an elderly neighbor's adult son who comes around every day to help her and has ended up doing odd jobs for everyone else. He only does some stuff: weeding, clearing gutters, mowing (but no weedwacking), etc, but he's available and reliable, and relatively cheap. So, this idea is also a good one..

Some of it will take more time, some of it is being pondered currently, and some of it is already on it's way. w00t w00t. Broke through the fuzzy ???s and back into productivity-land. Much better.

Thanks, all! *MUAH*

p.s. - It is snowing right now. lolwut

How do you find handymen and landscapers nowadays?

What do you use to search for them? I've had suggestions to try Facebook Marketplace, which seems like neighborhood groups of the same couple dozen people mentioning one or two names. Having tried this to find a cleaning lady, the results were less than stellar, and I'm out a hundred bucks from a woman who left halfway through what should have been a 3 hour job on a house that is not at all trashed. If she was the best out of the neighborhood group for my area, I don't trust the process. And I hate FB with a MFing passion. The lack of privacy with anything I do on there infuriates me. I don't need my second cousin, or my neighbor, knowing my business.

Whitepages doesn't seem to be a thing anymore, Craigslist is sketchy af, and I'm not paying to be pushed the company that bought the highest ranking on Angie's List. Unless that is really my only option, then let me know and I'll friggin do it.

My last guys, the last time I could afford real help, are from over 15 years ago, and a lot has changed, and they are not around anymore.

Please. I could use some advice here. Thanks.

It's been over a week. I picked up his ashes today, but didn't open the package. I received a memorial something from someone in the mail too, but didn't open that, either.

I did clean and put away all the sick-supplies: the water fountain, the feeding syringe, the meds, the list of symptoms with dates, notes from phone calls with the vet.

His food dish still sits out, filled, as does his water dish. His toys are all over the house. I came *this* close to tossing his litter box out with the trash tonight, but backed out at the last minute.

I keep his little blue hoodie on my bed. I have his first baby toy, a pair of dollar-store shoelaces, tied to the bedpost.

I miss him.

I'm upset that I'm getting used to the silence.

I made a short video of him. My (Roger's) nephew was going to make a longer, more professional one with the full song, but his wife is about to have a baby any minute, so that is probably off the table for a long time. If anyone knows a professional videographer who would take a commission to edit something together for me, please let me know.

Some of you have already seen the video from my Instagram, but the link is below. Sharing it/him makes me feel better.

Alistair passed away suddenly tonight.

He had been hanging out with me like usual this afternoon, when something happened out of nowhere around 6pm. He started howling loudly and desperately, and then collapsed. We rushed him to the vet in a panic, but whatever was wrong was not fixable, and we had to quickly put him to sleep, as his lungs were filling with fluid. I don't think he was really with it as we were saying our goodbyes, but he was in our arms from the moment it started until the very end, except for maybe 5 minutes where they did a radiograph on him (which, unfortunately, didn't show anything.)

I am forever grateful this happened while I was home, with Rog done from a job early and literally walking through the door as it started, AND that my vet was still open and let us bring him in instantly. I'm also grateful that his favorite vet happened to be on tonight, because she did the kindest thing of all by side-stepping any panic-options and telling me it was over. We did all we could, it was time. I'm also grateful he loved the vet, so he didn't die in a scary place. He had people who loved him around him.

She thinks he threw a clot, and possibly to his brain, with the way he was crashing. He was struggling so hard to breathe in the 5-minute carride to the vet that he actually bit through Roger's forearm with all four canines and we had to get that checked at urgent care afterwards. Alistair never hurt a soul, and I feel he was already out of it by then. I hope he was, and yet I also hope he knew he wasn't alone.

He had passed out six weeks ago and we discovered he had hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, but was supposed to be okay on meds. However, he kept passing out and two weeks ago he had a mysterious episode and nearly died. It was then we realized he was in worse shape than we originally thought, but we couldn't risk leaving him alone in a cardiac unit an hour away near Philly for a weekend of testing and intensive care when the cardiomyopathy was already looking like a death sentence. He passed out during anything that made him too wriggly (holding him still to clean an accident off his back legs and tail, or holding him down for a scan), so I made the decision to keep him home and nurse him myself, and then he made a miraculous recovery.

The last two weeks he was better than he'd been in months. He ate with gusto, he had more energy, I brushed him often and babied him even more than usual. I'm so grateful we had a chance to even take him on a short walk on that warm summer day we had last weekend. He was alert and playful and looked like nothing had ever happened. I was cautiously hopeful to have at least some more time with him. More time than this, anyway.

He was only 12. He was a truly amazing friend. Absolutely loving and so affectionate, bold and curious. And absolutely beautiful. I wish I could write more, but I'm exhausted and my head is spinning. The house is too quiet. There is an empty spot next to me I cannot fill.

Cold as balls at 16° in Macungie. We got 4" of snow today.

This morning, had a lucid dream. And a "Groundhog's Day"-type dreamception, which is how I was able to have the lucid one.

I was in my house, starting to wake up, when I thought I heard the neighbors shoveling. So I got up, got my stuff on, and opened the front door, only to find a bunch of groceries on my porch, which was probably from my neighbor who does that sometimes. But there was also some strange guy, in his 30s, standing there, who wanted to come into my house, like to sell me something. So, I had to talk him back outside of the house, which I did.

That's when I realized I was still in bed sleeping. So, I got up, got my clothes on, opened the front door and started trying to shovel, only to realize that I was still dreaming. And then I thought, well, if I'm still dreaming, I can just do whatever the fuck I want. I can't remember what I did in detail, but I did something really crazy like fly around inside an acid trip (never had one) like that scene in Big Lebowski. I could feel my stomach drop from flying straight up into the air and everything. I was having a blast  It was only for a few seconds, but it was definitely lucid dreaming. My third time ever.

Then, I finally *actually* woke up and thought, this is real. Except I didn't get up and get my clothes on yet and go out, cuz it's fucking 16°. I'm dragging my feet a little right now.

Oh, and the neighbors aren't home, they never were. I knew that when I went to bed last night.

Originally written for Instagram, so apologies if you're seeing this twice.

I keep wren houses, and I had announced on IG the chirping of newly hatched chicks a few weeks ago. And...

My wrens didn't make it. Something happened to the first batch of eggs, or the female had difficulty, and her second batch came late. And then they hatched... but it got quiet. Something wasn't right. I thought maybe it was the heat.

Yesterday, I came out to (who I assume was) the female, hanging from the birdhouse, her claw stuck in the nest inside. She was gone. She looked beat up, or maybe she fought to free her leg. I was so heartbroken when I found her, I didn't think to check her for sticky eyes, one of the symptoms of this mystery songbird illness. I was busy pulling her down and laying her to rest on the hill behind me.

Today, I gathered up several gorgeous blooms from my hydrangea in an effort to honor the situation, and also cheer me up. The hydrangea is having a banner year, surprisingly. I did nothing to protect her from the horrible winter we had, and did no spring prep on her at all. And yet, she is prolific in bloom and variety of color.

It helps.

Dunna Vetta

(or: My Life as an Insomniac)

It's lightening and thundering, though I can't hear it too well with the earplugs in. But the air is charged, and the cool breeze through the window is welcome. The soft boom and roll is comforting.

Rog is here in bed with me. (That feels oddly TMI and yet, why?) Anyway, we are test running the sleeping arrangements in prep for my family vacation in one week. He has the CPAP, the chin strap, the other sleep apnea device (Inspire), and I have the earplugs, the sleep mask, the sleep meds, and the cat locked out.

I think it's working.

I mean, actually working.

I am cheered by this thought. I don't know how the entire night is going to go yet, but I'll just take this little feeling and hold on to it.

There's a lump in the carpet in the hallway, no bigger than a quarter, that I only find wtih my bare foot once in a strange while. It's an, "A-ha, I remember you," moment that plays in the back of my mind until I reach my destination. I wonder if there's a name for that kind of thing.

During bad times, you think of better times.

music: Led Zeppelin - "Ten Years Gone"

mood: Chicken Lounge waitress/bartender, circa 1996