And... she's off. Mom got a room. Jill "xtingu" Knapp 7/23 '21

After all that tooth-gnashing, we got a call from hospice this morning that a bed became available; they were able to prioritize us because they knew our situation was getting a little crazy.

We are waiting for the transport now.

It is crazy to think that these are the last moments Mom will be at her home.

She believes she's going "to the hospital" because she knows she doesn't feel well.  She said "It's time. I want to go to the hospital." 

Through the dementia and through the drug haze, I believe deep down she knows what's happening.

I know she'll be OK.  I'm worried about my dad. He's scared to live alone. The house is about to get very, very quiet, and very very empty.  

He's also replaying the day he brought his mom to a (kinda shitty) nursing home in Virginia so his mom could be closer to his sister. His mom said "You mean, I'm never going to see my little house again?"  And that damn near killed my dad in 1991 when that happened.  

And even though Mom is kinda excited to go (again, as she understands what is happening), Dad is wracked with guilt.

Fuck.

1,000 thank yous to everyone's comments on my last post. I love you all very much and am so happy and lucky to have this community.  You are the best.


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7/23 '21 16 Comments
I really hope you can get some rest.
Lindsay Harris Friel
I love you. I really appreciate you.
We just got home now from getting her situated in her new place; it is gorgeous. It abuts a farm, and horses come say hello. You can pet the horse face, and it is gooood. Also, they have a front-row view of the sunset; it's jaw-droppingly beautiful. And today was so beautiful out, so we got to enjoy Mom's private veranda, the view, the air, and she's gonna have a smoke. (Yup, for real.) And from here on out, she doesn't have to eat a diabetic diet, so it's real sugar and full-fat and smokes and morphine and hookers ^H^H^H^H^H and hot damn it's pretty freakin' sweet and a huge relief.
Jill "xtingu" Knapp
Can I come?
Lindsay Harris Friel
That is incredible news. So sorry for the stress you've been under, and for your dad's fear. My heart is with you.
Karen Kuhl
I am, on balance and all things considered in the circumstances and at standard temperature and pressure, greatly relieved for all parties.
Thomas Boutell
Thinking about you.
Michele Grant
Thank you so, so much, my friend.
Jill "xtingu" Knapp
My aunt died in a hospice, some time before the plague began. Superb care, both paid and volunteer. Of the options I'm aware of, it's the one I would choose for myself i na similar situation.
Dawn Keenan
Working in hospice is definitely a calling, and I am so, so grateful it exists. The volunteers are really, really special. (I normally hate that word, but I mean it here.)

I'm very happy your aunt received such compassionate care. When a loved one gets that kind of care, it truly comforts everyone, not just the patient. It's priceless.

It's funny...after caring for Mom so intensely for the last month, I find myself wanting to help when I'm visiting Mom here at the facility. I don't know how to sit back and leave things to the staff. At the same time, it's kinda beautiful watching the staff provide such loving, but such professional care. The way they move Mom around so gently but confidently... just... wow. These are the moves we just couldn't do at home, and here it's a graceful, well-rehearsed dance.

The relief we all feel is beyond words. Plus she seems to like it here, thank heavens.
Jill "xtingu" Knapp
Loving care is such a great thing to hear. I am glad your Mom is enjoying herself. I hope she enjoys as many moments as she can and that you and your Dad get to share a lot of them with her.
(also your brother and his family ofc, but I am thinking about you)
Shelle Klein Houser
This sounds like, in many ways, a tremendous relief. I'm thankful for that.

Thinking of you guys, and of course, your Dad.
Matt Lichtenwalner
It really, really, really, really is. It's also only five minutes away from my folks' house up here, and it's off of Fairview Rd which is a neat coincidence because our old house in East Hanover was also on Fairview.

Thank you, m'dear, for the good thoughts, kind words, generous offers of lawn mowing, and just for being so wonderful. We're making a quick day-trip down to DE tomorrow because there's an important gathering at Matt's folks' place, but we're gonna come right back up here tomorrow night just so Dad doesn't have to sleep in an empty house quiiiiite yet.

xoxoxo
Jill "xtingu" Knapp
Any thing, any time. Of course.

Also, your response to Lindsay's comment also makes my evening.
Matt Lichtenwalner
I hope the beauty and freedom of your mom's setting helps to relieve some of your dad's guilt. I'm so glad you were able to get her admitted there.
Anne Mollo
This location has really, really made an amazing difference to Dad. It's such a comfort. I mean, if you have to be in this rotten situation, this is the most beautiful place I can think of to deal with it.

Also Anne, I have a zillion OPW drafts saved, but one of them from a while back thanks you specifically; I learned from your advice and experience and it was so helpful. I had never heard of palliative care until you mentioned it, and it helped give me language I needed to talk to the doctors and staff. So really, thank you.
Jill "xtingu" Knapp
Oh, sweetie. I’m glad it was helpful.
Anne Mollo
 

Eighty-seven Karen Kuhl 7/23 '21

Originally written for Instagram, so apologies if you're seeing this twice.

I keep wren houses, and I had announced on IG the chirping of newly hatched chicks a few weeks ago. And...

My wrens didn't make it. Something happened to the first batch of eggs, or the female had difficulty, and her second batch came late. And then they hatched... but it got quiet. Something wasn't right. I thought maybe it was the heat.

Yesterday, I came out to (who I assume was) the female, hanging from the birdhouse, her claw stuck in the nest inside. She was gone. She looked beat up, or maybe she fought to free her leg. I was so heartbroken when I found her, I didn't think to check her for sticky eyes, one of the symptoms of this mystery songbird illness. I was busy pulling her down and laying her to rest on the hill behind me.

Today, I gathered up several gorgeous blooms from my hydrangea in an effort to honor the situation, and also cheer me up. The hydrangea is having a banner year, surprisingly. I did nothing to protect her from the horrible winter we had, and did no spring prep on her at all. And yet, she is prolific in bloom and variety of color.

It helps.

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7/23 '21 7 Comments
Oh, Jesus, I'm so sorry.
We reluctantly took down our birdbath and stopped filling our bird feeder, based on the advice of PA Fish & Wildlife. I've noticed that robins and cardinals are looking unhealthy when I see them. They look like their feathers are greasy & dirty.

Did you bury the bird? I read that you should only handle them with disposable gloves, put them in a sealed plastic bag, and dispose of them with your usual trash, because there's a concern that whatever these birdies have could jump species.
Lindsay Harris Friel
No, I used plastic to pick her up and send her to the hill, an area I can't easily walk to. She did look a mess, but I couldn't say if it was grease or from a struggle.
Karen Kuhl
Usually I'm sad that we can't have bird feeders up in the summer (because BEARS), but this year not so much.
Anne Mollo
Sorry to hear about the birdies. The hydrangea is lovely.
Thomas Boutell
The blooms are still alive and going, and bringing such comfort indoors.
Karen Kuhl
You're such a good soul.

Also, the flowers are lovely.
Anne Mollo
Same to you, Anne.

They are a little piece of my heart.
Karen Kuhl
 

Inverse Bechdel Test? nerdsholmferret 7/17 '21

"Black Widow" passes early, with a brief conversation between Alexei and Dreykov about a MacGuffin.  Alexei later talks a little bit with his arm-wrestling buddies and guards too.  That's... maybe it?

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7/17 '21 2 Comments
I was just recently made aware of the “named character” addendum, so that may disqualify everything except that first MacGuffin conversation.
nerdsholmferret
It’s a fun thought experiment, although as I understand it the point isn’t that every movie needs to pass the original test, it’s that the bar is so low and yet so few do. Since there’s no such problem in the inverse… but we know this.
Thomas Boutell
 

Today's Noodlin' Matt Lichtenwalner 7/14 '21

Did a sketch of a drider since we're facing a bunch of them in Brad's campaign. This may make it all the way to finished illustration.

Or I may have a case of the ADHDs. Time will tell.

Heh. Now that I've stepped away from it for a few and I'm looking at it with fresh eyes - it looks like he has a bad toupee on.

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7/14 '21
 

Bulk! Matt Lichtenwalner 7/11 '21

More to come, but I'm kinda diggin this Hulk sketch I did sitting in the Omega Diner while waiting for the weather to clear a bit more.

Gotta say - I'm impressed with how well the Apple Pencil does for 'loose sketching'. I know I've been using it for many years, but I seldom do 'sketching for sketching's sake' with it.

Feels good.

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7/11 '21 7 Comments
The sketch lines almost make him look like he’s vibrating! It’s fantastic!
Shannie
Thanks! He is definitely 'high energy'.
Matt Lichtenwalner
I like it! Not sure why.
Lindsay Harris Friel
Thanks! It's messy, but it's fun. :)
Matt Lichtenwalner
Sweet!
Rob
Thanks!
Matt Lichtenwalner
Nice! Reminds me of a college art class I took. I have a very physical/tactile memory of the loose charcoal sketching we did of nude models. Looking at your Bulky Hulk reminds me of how that felt all over again. It was such a freeing sensation, all the quick, energetic strokes—I marvel at how you've achieved this electronically!
Anne Mollo
 

This is hot. Lindsay Harris Friel 6/19 '21

Can't believe the audience doesn't give that guy a little more respect for hitting that note. 

Also, yes, I'm getting psyched for the Foo Fighters new album. 

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6/19 '21 1 Comment
I feel like there was just *this* much awkwardness on his side that maybe it put the audience off. But, he really did do a beautiful job when he got to that note. I love this song.
Karen Kuhl
 

Eighty-five Karen Kuhl 6/14 '21

Dunna Vetta

(or: My Life as an Insomniac)


It's lightening and thundering, though I can't hear it too well with the earplugs in. But the air is charged, and the cool breeze through the window is welcome. The soft boom and roll is comforting.

Rog is here in bed with me. (That feels oddly TMI and yet, why?) Anyway, we are test running the sleeping arrangements in prep for my family vacation in one week. He has the CPAP, the chin strap, the other sleep apnea device (Inspire), and I have the earplugs, the sleep mask, the sleep meds, and the cat locked out.

I think it's working.


I mean, actually working.



I am cheered by this thought. I don't know how the entire night is going to go yet, but I'll just take this little feeling and hold on to it.

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6/14 '21 9 Comments
This resonates for me. I have a feeling there's a CPAP in my future.
Lindsay Harris Friel
It's definitely an adjustment for all involved.
Karen Kuhl
I read somewhere recently that there's new data that indicates certain types of night mouth guards may be as effective at keeping your airways open for some kinds of sleep apnea. Can't find it at the moment, but it's probably worth investigating or asking about if it looks like you need a little better O2 intake at night.
Anne Mollo
Not to hijack someone else’s post but , I know it’s something concerning my throat.
Lindsay Harris Friel
The mouth guard is a relatively cost-effective first shot. If it works, your partner will know pretty fast. Rog was not a candidate for that.

His particular situation was that he has a large tongue and a small pallet. Hahaha, the jokes we made. Anyway, he relaxes and his tongue plugs up his throat like a ball-valve (doctor's phrase). Top that off with weight gain as he aged, and the freight train comes through our neighborhood every night.

There is a surgery for it, but the first line is usually CPAP. With the mask that covers the nose AND mouth.

I am not a doctor, so you'll want to see one, but I hope it's an easy fix.
Karen Kuhl
Lindsay Harris Friel
I can't see this comment.
Karen Kuhl
How’d it go?
Lindsay Harris Friel
It went swimmingly until he rutched around to scratch his arm and I immediately woke right up. Ten minutes later, when he moved his foot, I woke up again. We tried some more for a half hour until we gave up and he left for the other room.

Not thrilled. We share a king bed at the motel, so here's hoping that's an improvement over my wee double bed.

This experiment made me realize how much worse my sleep is. Even if I may be getting more hours lately, I'm barely asleep.

The good news is we definitely have improved the noise (freight train) situation, and in separate beds (like most hotel rooms), we should be pretty awesome, and that's a relief.
Karen Kuhl
 
 

Well, Crap Matt Lichtenwalner 6/2 '21

Did some sketching in a physical sketchbook for the first time in a bajillion years. This one is of a fairly traditional halfling, hairfoot, or 'hobbit' (if you're not concerned with copyright). I did this one for comparison and as the 'default' for people to reference. 

Then, next, I did a rough concept sketch of a sub race that my buddy Brad and I are working on that we are tentatively calling 'dustlings'.

It took me wayyy too long to realize that I'd recreated a jacked version of Smeagol / Golum from the Hobbit / LOTR.

Back to the (literal) drawing board. 

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6/2 '21 8 Comments
I dunno, it's okay? Gollum's a scrawny, craven little thief. Your guys look like they work for a living. Less agrarian, more hunter/gatherer kinda thing.
Sean M Puckett
Thanks! I did some more putzing around and come up with something I'm at least a _little_ more satisfied with.

Still, glad to know this very was functional. :)
Matt Lichtenwalner
Swole-um
rone
Yeah. Didn't mean to take it that far, but sometimes I get carried away. That's what I get for learning to draw by looking at superhero comics for decades. :P
Matt Lichtenwalner
YAY FOR PHYSICAL MEDIA!!!
Lindsay Harris Friel
Yeah. I imagine it really IS a little like if I was to get on a bicycle right about now...
Matt Lichtenwalner
"Art is theft."
Anne Mollo
#truestory
Matt Lichtenwalner
 
 
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