After all that tooth-gnashing, we got a call from hospice this morning that a bed became available; they were able to prioritize us because they knew our situation was getting a little crazy.

We are waiting for the transport now.

It is crazy to think that these are the last moments Mom will be at her home.

She believes she's going "to the hospital" because she knows she doesn't feel well.  She said "It's time. I want to go to the hospital." 

Through the dementia and through the drug haze, I believe deep down she knows what's happening.

I know she'll be OK.  I'm worried about my dad. He's scared to live alone. The house is about to get very, very quiet, and very very empty.  

He's also replaying the day he brought his mom to a (kinda shitty) nursing home in Virginia so his mom could be closer to his sister. His mom said "You mean, I'm never going to see my little house again?"  And that damn near killed my dad in 1991 when that happened.  

And even though Mom is kinda excited to go (again, as she understands what is happening), Dad is wracked with guilt.

Fuck.

1,000 thank yous to everyone's comments on my last post. I love you all very much and am so happy and lucky to have this community.  You are the best.


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I really hope you can get some rest.
I love you. I really appreciate you.
We just got home now from getting her situated in her new place; it is gorgeous. It abuts a farm, and horses come say hello. You can pet the horse face, and it is gooood. Also, they have a front-row view of the sunset; it's jaw-droppingly beautiful. And today was so beautiful out, so we got to enjoy Mom's private veranda, the view, the air, and she's gonna have a smoke. (Yup, for real.) And from here on out, she doesn't have to eat a diabetic diet, so it's real sugar and full-fat and smokes and morphine and hookers ^H^H^H^H^H and hot damn it's pretty freakin' sweet and a huge relief.
Can I come?
That is incredible news. So sorry for the stress you've been under, and for your dad's fear. My heart is with you.
This sounds like, in many ways, a tremendous relief. I'm thankful for that.

Thinking of you guys, and of course, your Dad.
It really, really, really, really is. It's also only five minutes away from my folks' house up here, and it's off of Fairview Rd which is a neat coincidence because our old house in East Hanover was also on Fairview.

Thank you, m'dear, for the good thoughts, kind words, generous offers of lawn mowing, and just for being so wonderful. We're making a quick day-trip down to DE tomorrow because there's an important gathering at Matt's folks' place, but we're gonna come right back up here tomorrow night just so Dad doesn't have to sleep in an empty house quiiiiite yet.

xoxoxo
Any thing, any time. Of course.

Also, your response to Lindsay's comment also makes my evening.
I hope the beauty and freedom of your mom's setting helps to relieve some of your dad's guilt. I'm so glad you were able to get her admitted there.
This location has really, really made an amazing difference to Dad. It's such a comfort. I mean, if you have to be in this rotten situation, this is the most beautiful place I can think of to deal with it.

Also Anne, I have a zillion OPW drafts saved, but one of them from a while back thanks you specifically; I learned from your advice and experience and it was so helpful. I had never heard of palliative care until you mentioned it, and it helped give me language I needed to talk to the doctors and staff. So really, thank you.
Oh, sweetie. I’m glad it was helpful.
Thinking about you.
Thank you so, so much, my friend.
My aunt died in a hospice, some time before the plague began. Superb care, both paid and volunteer. Of the options I'm aware of, it's the one I would choose for myself i na similar situation.
Working in hospice is definitely a calling, and I am so, so grateful it exists. The volunteers are really, really special. (I normally hate that word, but I mean it here.)

I'm very happy your aunt received such compassionate care. When a loved one gets that kind of care, it truly comforts everyone, not just the patient. It's priceless.

It's funny...after caring for Mom so intensely for the last month, I find myself wanting to help when I'm visiting Mom here at the facility. I don't know how to sit back and leave things to the staff. At the same time, it's kinda beautiful watching the staff provide such loving, but such professional care. The way they move Mom around so gently but confidently... just... wow. These are the moves we just couldn't do at home, and here it's a graceful, well-rehearsed dance.

The relief we all feel is beyond words. Plus she seems to like it here, thank heavens.
Loving care is such a great thing to hear. I am glad your Mom is enjoying herself. I hope she enjoys as many moments as she can and that you and your Dad get to share a lot of them with her.
(also your brother and his family ofc, but I am thinking about you)
I am, on balance and all things considered in the circumstances and at standard temperature and pressure, greatly relieved for all parties.