I'm having a tough time enjoying the first two episodes on their own merits.  The departures from the book seem to grate me more than, say, the first season of American Gods (of which i was reminded by the intro sequence, same feel, except for the bit they lifted from The Expanse's intro).

Back in May I backed a new phone via Indiegogo called an Fxtec Pro1x (it's got a physical keyboard), but it's being manufactured in China where they keep shutting assembly lines down due to their Zero Covid policies.  The Fxtec folks keep apologizing for the delays, which I understand isn't really within their control, but maaaaaan.... bitch need a phone!

Unfortunately, my trusty 2017 Blackberry KeyOne officially bit the dust last night (no amount of strategically-placed rubber bands and binder clips can get it to acknowledge the charging cable), and my backup 2015 Blackberry Priv only holds a charge for about 2 hours. I can't live like this, and tonight I had enough.

I decided that the fastest way to get my Pro1x delivered is to admit defeat and just buy a damn Google Pixel. I'll bet $20 that my Pro1x will arrive within a few weeks, because I just threw in the towel and bought a Pixel 6a about 10 minutes ago. Sunk Cost Fallacy be damned.

I feel so defeated. This is the first time since 2004 that I will have a phone without a physical keyboard. I'm heartbroken.

So now that I just dropped $399 on a Pixel 6a, my Pro1x will undoubtedly arrive any second. ((eyeroll))

I considered getting a new Motorola RAZR so I could at least have a quirky phone, but naturally it doesn't play nicely with Verizon.  Then I thought maybe I'd get a Motorola Stylus phone, but it's HUGE and I can't deal with a phone that's almost 7" diagonal. I'm a chick, I have small pockets.  

First world problems, I know.

I'm way more bummed about this than I should be. I should be excited about getting a new phone, but all I can do is be sad that it won't have a keyboard. 

/venting shitpost

In other news:

Starting this past spring, Matt and I have been really into disc golf. He played it a lot back in his late 20s and early 30s, and then he stopped. But now we have a small group of friends that we play with roughly every day, and it's sooooo joyful. It's a great way to walk a few miles, get some fresh air, be away from your phone, and laugh at yourself.  I suck at disc golf, but I love it anyway.  But!  Three days ago something just kinda clicked, and now I no longer suck. Today we played a hard course and my score wasn't laughable. Yay!  

I have other updatey topics (music, new music collaborators, teef, sunscreen, house stuff), but I'll save those for another time.

I hope all is well!

I heard this one on the oldies station and was struck by how well it fits the genre.  Performed by a much-mocked artist with over 75 million records sold, it reached #8 on the Billboard chart and earned him his only Grammy award.

As for the moral of the story, I find "don't fall in love" problematic.  Perhaps it should be "don't initiate violence unnecessarily" or "don't drink yourself blind in a vain attempt to forget your sorrows"?  Alas, those don't fit the meter.

Only one death, but maddeningly earworm-level peppy. ***

I turned to spouse the other night and wondered out loud who was going to die next. And said I was tired of people dying. And wondering who would die next.

This was the saved draft in this app, which I have not opened since September 2021. I opened it back up today because I wanted to think about this statement "Grief is disrespectful. It shows up unbidden. It interrupts dreams, work, joy. People say it’s messy and I get that, but mostly I think it’s uncontrollable" from AHP's newsletter today.

Earlier this year, I tried to find a therapist but remote therapy did not work for me. I might try to pick up again with the woman I was talking to, if in-person seems rational, because as I talked about nothing from a safe screen-shielded distance, she interupted me to say "this sounds like you have a lot of unresolved grief."

And this is true. But as I was telling my mother the story (we were sitting in a beautiful bar at an extremely posh resort where I finally caught Covid, despite the entire course of vaccines), she asked "did she give you suggestions for how to resolve it?" and I had to say no.

So this is what I've been thinking about and where Ive landed is: there is no way to resolve grief. It's that F, hanging out in the C Major chord for the rest of your life. 

in her head, and a popular song by The Police. 

I pity the fool who stands so close to me. 

For my out-of-state friends, Ian tossed some small tornadoes and some rain at me and then took off to the north.  The tornado warnings were rather fun as most happened while at band practice, so five phones going off with Emergency Alerts!  None were actually near me nor did I hear any reports of damage from them.  Gator-natoes.

The storm smashed the west coast of Florida and then headed to Orlando, where my middle child lives, currently without power but also without any damage to the condo. The clock is ticking till when they show up at my home with their menagerie.  I think they'll stay put if they can get some ice, as UCF has stated that classes are back on starting Monday.   This is patently ridiculous given that there was flooding in some of the surrounding neighborhoods.  I'm talking air-boat-rescue flooding.  Some of the worse flooding was in an apartment complex that I briefly sublet in 1985, chest high at least.  If your car and laptop were submerged, I'm not sure how you could be expected to complete the semester.

My parents in Cocoa Beach also made it through without much fuss, not even losing power.  My mom slept through it.

The phrase "plus maintenant" in French means "not anymore" rather than the literal translation "more now".  This seems like it was invented just to create a disastrous misunderstanding of a treaty.  Apparently you can specify the opposite meaning by pronouncing the "s".

Our dog trainer, Amanda, said that we need to put Symone "on a down" more often. This means that when I plan to sit and relax or work, I should put Symone's leash on her and step on the leash. This causes Symone to lie down and relax. 
So now every morning we sit on the front porch while I drink my coffee for about 15 minutes and Symone watches the world go by. If I don't do it right after Vince leaves for work, she runs back & forth to and from the door. 

I had to buy her a special bed for outside. Her favorite part is when the kids next door come outside to leave for school. 

She doesn't bark or anything, she just watches them.  She really likes kids, but she'd jump all over them if we let her. Their faces would be thoroughly licked. 

And now: The Virtual Husky Tug Simulator. 

Ever wanted to play tug with a Siberian Husky, but didn't have time? Or a Husky? No more! Now you can pretend to play tug with a husky for a whole ten seconds. Get a simulation of the excitement and danger of the likelihood of hitting yourself in the face with a stuffed moose wrapped around a knotted rope, without bruising!  Raise your heart rate without the possibility of having your fingers nipped! It's ten seconds of fun for the whole family! 

<< part of my continuing series recording memories to assure myself I've actually been to the places I think I've been to>>

Whew, California. I lived there for most of my 30's, so I could fill a book. But instead, this much shorter entry:

When I was a child I recall my father once musing about having met some people that "smiled a LOT". Like so much so you noticed and wondered if they were selling something. When asked, it turned out it was just that they were from California, and smiling a lot was normal for them. So for many years, my concept of California was that it was a place of Hollywood, hippies, and people who smiled a lot. And that it was far away - I could never quite remember the difference between Los Angeles, San Francisco, San Diego... all were interchangeable in my head.

When I was looking at grad schools, I did apply & get accepted to Stanford and USC. But again, California was far away so I opted for CMU in Pittsburgh instead. Slight regrets on that front. Kinda wish I would have made it to California in the early 90s. I wonder how my life would have been different.

In the mid/late 90s I first visited California and the city identities solidified. SF is the hippies up north, somewhat seasoned by Silicon valley tech. LA is  Hollywood and beaches. San Diego is smaller and warmer and the border town. I had an all expenses paid vacation in the San Diego area (some perk that came with my first husband's job) and got to experience the gas light district, Coronado island, and had an excellent massage from a woman who was the masseuse on staff for the Icelandic olympic team. Around 1995 I started working remotely for a San Francisco Bay Area software company. Though I continued to live in New Orleans, this meant occasional trips to SF. I distinctly recall walking around SF one early visit thinking to myself "I could live here" - which was a rare thought for me: living in New Orleans set my bar pretty high for other places I was willing to live.  I liked how SF was walkable, with good transit, nice climate, and flower vendors on the street.

In 2005, after Katrina devastated New Orleans, I took a job just north of SF in San Rafael. I moved to SF and lived there until 2011. In my years there I was a city girl - goth clubs and sidewalk happy hours, wine tastings and harbor cruises. I had yet to experience the joys of the great wild outdoors - no hiking or camping for me then - unless you count Burning Man. In 2006 I was talked into my first Burning Man by my then roommate. And while I wouldn't call Burning Man "life changing" for me, it certainly has influenced much of my activities in the years since.

SF has this ambient level of zaniness that I love. It was always nice to get home from a trip and to see something like a grown man in a tutu and viking helmet nonchalantly taking his chihuahua out for a walk. No one would even raise an eyebrow. Wish more places vibed like that. 

When I make it back to California these years, I typically go to Los Angeles. I have a good friend there who throws lovely events in his house. Plus a few times I've been to "The Labyrinth of Jareth" masquarade ball held in downtown LA. Two of my favorite things to do in LA is Kura conveyor belt sushi and the Wii Korean day-spa. 

I might add some more detailed memories in the future but for now I'm closing this entry. Yes, I've been to California. I lived California. And I sometime still miss California most desperately.