So a friend recently said "I'd like to feel a burning need for the next experience more often."

That really got me thinking about things in my own life. I've often thought about myself as a passionate guy. I feel things very strongly. There has been laughter and tears - both in abundance.

But here's the thing: it always seems to come after the fact. Leading up to and even generally during a moment / decision / experience in my life, I feel very, very 'meh'.

This, in turn, got me wondering: "How many other folks are like me in this regard? Do my friends feel strongly about concepts leading into their decisions? Before their experiences?"

Obviously no one can feel strongly about something they have zero experience with or information about. One can't feel super strongly about the quality of the sand on Pluto over the sand on their local beach.

But I wonder.

Sometimes when people start to write something (this is something I've heard  many, many times), "I hesitate to get started because I don't want to compromise what's in my head." 

I worked on Jarnsaxa Rising for a while yesterday. I printed out my outline and carried it to bed with me, re-read it, and re-read it again while the coffee brewed this morning. I have a clear idea for the next scene, but it's not going well.  I took the page for the scene I was working on and rewrote the outline in what I call "turns:" X wants Y but hits obstacle A, D wants N but hits obstacle Y. And then I write short sentences of how those stumbles toward goals over or around obstacles succeed or fail. 

As I was scrawling this, I came to what I thought was a weak end. In my head it was this:

ERIC: Why didn't you tell me?

SIF: You had to find out for yourself.

(Cue "Somewhere Over The Rainbow." It's the Wizard of Oz all over again.)

As I was scribbling, it cleared up, and I was pleasantly surprised. This came out. I'm transcribing my scribbled notes. 

ERIC: Why didn't you tell me? 

SIF: I can only make you grow, but not change, either you choose your form or something else chooses it for you. (Jarnsaxa has to learn this.) When a tree grows, its leaves turn toward the sun and bend with the wind, roots go to water. 

The line, "its leaves turn toward the sun" came from a theatre design class I had as an undergrad. We were talking about how if you design a forest, you have to consider that the sun will cause that forest to look a certain way, you have to take science into consideration, not just "what looks cool on a stage." 

My point is, you might think you know in advance every detail about your story, and that's good, you should. But there is a lot of room for discovery in the process of pencil, paper, scribbling and time, and those discoveries will improve what you think you have now. 

EDITED TO ADD: Sassy thinks that if she sits in my lap while I type, my job is to gently pet her. If I type, she bites my hands. BYE SASSY.

If your screen is very, very good and your eyes are sharp, maybe you noticed the actual "delete my account" button. Fawkers.

But I don't get to criticize. Because ya know what OPW doesn't have? A "delete my account" button. Shame on me.

I'm publicly shaming myself here because I need a little motivation to release this feature, which is completely coded and ready to go — I just need to test it a little more.

Cue Neil Gaiman quote.

I need a recommendation for a quick-and-easy video editing program for Windows.  I shot some video on my phone of a rehearsal, and I'd love to be able to slice the 33 minute video into individual songs... BUT I also want to be able to mess with the audio track if need be.

I will only use this once or twice, so cheaper is better, but whatevz.

Any recommendations?

(*cough* Matt Lichtenwalner ​​​​​​​*cough*)

Gracias!

I am grateful for union-mandated breaks that allow me time to use the toilet, drink water, stuff half a protein bar in my face, and go outside to fart. 

FART JOKE! WOO HOO!!!!!!!!

The Internet needs an "is this worth it?" calculator. Buzzfeed needs a quiz. 

On the way to breakfast, I found myself thinking about the concept of Loyalty. I've been called (more than once) 'loyal to a fault'. It's accurate. I stick with people, places, and things well past the point that it's healthy for me.

Then I found myself thinking about it from a logical standpoint. I feel that this is one of my greatest strengths in life - taking emotion out of a situation and reviewing it. Sadly, I don't always ACT on those reviews, but it helps.

So the logical perspective of the concept of loyalty: I get it. Once upon a time, we needed loyalty as a species. Tribalism allowed us to survive. But haven't we evolved past that need? I mean shouldn't I love everyone equally? (He asked, cringing at how hippy-dippy it sounds.) Or, perhaps more accurately, shouldn't I review people in a more unbiased by past interactions?

If I have a friend who has taken to burglary to support a crack addiction, shouldn't I look at him in the same light that I do a stranger with the same issues?

Or is there some value to past interactions that creates a benefit to taking the bad with the good in the present and/or future? It's not really occurring to me at the moment, but then I haven't had any coffee yet.

What do you think?

ETA: I should point out that I wasn't bitter or upset when I posted this. I was just trying to think things through without emotion tied to it. I also was not thinking specifically of people (though that is certainly an element) and even less any specific person or people. Again - just the concept and whether or not it has value in our modern society.

The learning curve continues. 

This is the first time I've knit anything that wasn't based on a square, rectangle, tube or triangle, so you can imagine how this is burning some new neural pathways. The other odd thing is that the pattern calls for a total of 12 petals or points, and then sewing the last row to the first. I have a hard time believing this will be a flat disc and not a cone. 

Today we went out for brunch at The Grey Lodge, my favorite local pub, but my patience for people was so thin I almost had to Force-choke someone. Remember when jukeboxes had actual records inside them? You put in your quarters and punched some buttons, with a satisfying KERCHUNK, KERCHUNK, KERCHUNK, and when your selection came up in turn, you'd get to hear it?  Now The Grey Lodge has one of them Intarweb connected Touch Tone machines. Takes up less space, provides a wider selection of music. Sounds good, right? I've never had a reason to complain. If I want to put on Dave Brubeck, me and my hard-earned dollar can make that happen. 

Now, Touch Tone machines have an app. So, if you have the app and this is your financial priority, you can control the jukebox from the comfort of your bar stool, shoveling your musical taste down the throats of everyone in the bar for as long as you like. 

These 30-year-olds were playing with their phones, talking about how "old" they were for liking Blink-182 and early-2000s "punk." When some girl started squawking about the band Poe, a guy admitted that he thought "poe" was the Spanish word for paella. They were controlling the jukebox, and you like what you like, whatever. But when the music stopped for a minute, I got up and shoved my $4 into the machine, so I could hear something different for a couple of minutes. 

I put on Thelonious Monk (I don't remember the name of the piece), and Nina Simone's "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood." Monk played through, a bright, complex yet palatable piano instrumental that made my chilaquiles seem much less like soggy nachos. My mood improved. Unfortunately, it was immediately followed by, not Nina Simone, but more of the early 2000s punk and "OMG this is the best song EVAR." 

Which means some knucklehead paid extra to bump his selections ahead of mine in the queue. 

I said to the bartender, "if everyone in the bar has the app, and everyone can pay extra to bump their songs higher in the queue, what happens?"

He said, "The music selections get pretty crazy in here. Personally, I think you should have to walk up to the jukebox and punch it in, if you're gonna play "Barbie Girl." You have to own that shit." 

KERCHUNK. KERCHUNK. KERCHUNK. 

I'm trying this knitting pattern for the first time: 

I've never knit anything with short rows before, so this is a good learning experience. 

So far, so good.

I'm having trouble staying asleep because I dream about work.  Not fun. So hopefully this will give me a new fixation pattern. 

At the Philly Airport.   It is creepily empty. I keep waiting for Bronson Pinchot to show up with a blind chick. 

Debating telling the flight attendants that it's my birthday.  

Cons: They may sing Happy Birthday, which I really don't like.  

Pros: They might make me a crown made of toilet paper rolls and stirrers. 

We shall see. 

Off to Austin! 

My dad always says that the Bad Idea Bears whisper pretty loudly to me.  He says too that you can practically see Bad Idea Bears in the ether over twelve year old boys, informing them of the possibilities.

I have a skate buddy.  It's good we don't drink together - because things would get out of hand.  Today I texted him.

"I wanna try skating behind a car and you're gonna drive."

"NO!!! I draw the line."

But there was something in that.  Only three exclaimation points.  I don't buy it.  I predict that within a month we are trying this and frankly, yes he's gonna drive as he's the only person I trust.

Right now we are in negotiations.  

*********************************************************************

Last night was straight up disco.  I wanted to skate like gangbusters but I have my little queen with me.  So I headed to Pattinson's West, our local rink, for family skate night.  She took one look at the lights, the floor, the awesomeness of the carpet glowing back at her and deployed her full primate cling.  Arms wrapped around my neck, legs around my body.  Chatting to the rink manager, she said even her kids were like that and they'd grown up at the rink.  HerMajesty slowly unpeeled when security offered her a plastic Easter Egg.  And when my skate buddy took off flying around the rink she sprang loose and yelped, "tate!"

I love this rink, it's where our school parties are held so there's a fondness associated. But it is also extremely clean and well kept.  There's a lot of staff on the floor on family skate nights to assist and also, remind people that this is a family time and slow down some of the wildings that want to speed around.  The layout is great too.  There's a concessions area, but also, just a candy counter, but it's all pretty unobtrusive to the main affair: which is skating.  There's tons of family seating, I've never had a sticky table, and you can actually get food and candy for the kids without compromising your mortgage.  And it's just pretty.  Skate rinks have their own asthetic... and if there were a coffee table book of skate rinks I'd be among the first to buy one.  I love the carpets here.

Her father sent her these amazing little Fisher Price Grow With Me snap on skates that work like a dream.  I can't recommend these enough for Skate Queens who want to raise baby monarchs.  They have three settings to adjust the mobility of the wheels.  My daughter is two and a half, so the sensory confinement of boot skates and resulting panic at not being able to get them off and on herself was too large a leap.  These ones she can put off and on herself.  They were the perfect color for her, she loves bright pinks and oranges.  They fit very well over her sparkly little Pumas.  They also have a decent heft without being too heavy and disconcerting. 

So I helped her strap in and we were off.  Naturally, the first thing she tried was a jump.  In skates.  It worked becuase the wheels were locked.  She was able to experiment with the difference between walking and skating.  A few laps around and she was getting the hang of pushing her skates on the floor, though we've been watching a lot of street skating videos so she was taking "little steps."  In rink skating you can take long strides with reasonable confidence that the floor is clean and unobstructed, but street skating, no.  You need smaller steps so you can leap to your other foot when you inevitably hit a rock.

It was so damn disco when my kid pulled over and tried to adjust her own skate settings.  I snapped them to full mobility and off she went.  What's more, I forogt my own feet, which is what I've been working towards.  Foreward, backward, around in circles, as long as she didn't fall badly towards the back, I wanted was fine.  I skated spotting her for that scary backwards fall to the back of the head and my skate buddy blocked around us so no one crashed into her by accident.  

We skated up until 10PM.  My children have never needed a lot of sleep.  In the early days I was tortured by parenting books that insisted that children would and ought to sleep from 7PM to 7AM.  There are times that my children do need that sort of rest, during a growth spurt. But the best advice my pediatrician gave me was under the weight of a heavy sigh.  She told me that her children had never needed more than 8 or 9 hours a night and to restructure my parenting expectations to my child rather than the child to a book.  This has actually been how I discoverd my son had an innate athletic endurance.  He does not need "normal" amounts of sleep unless he's really taxed his body.  Which is why he's now in heavy training and on the road with his coaches and my father to compete at a very high level in his sport.  

I've wondered if my daughter had the same inheritance.  It seems it may be so, she skated pretty constantly (and this was after a day of strong play) from about 8PM to 10PM and did not fall sleep before we arrived home.  But as I tucked her into bed she rolled over and looked me deep in the eyes.

"Wroller tate," she said, and grinned and wiggled, "Baby wroller tate."

Which is about the best endorsement I can think of.

It's now the bright morning.  I'm having a private rock and roll dance party to Alexa's pick of 80's music while my daughter plays with her Easter Eggs in her small blue race car.

My own Easter gift to myself has not arrived yet.  

But I suspect today we will take advantage of this bright, clear day and head down to the water front to (what else?) skate.

Disco kisses, bishes.

Queen.