"If a lady ever extends you a privilege — and it IS a privilege — you don't tell anyone. And don't ever think she owes it to you." — My father

Once in high school I was an asshole. OK, one time in particular. I was riding in my dad's car with my brother and a friend, and I recounted a rumor about the sexual activities of a female classmate.

My father pulled over, whipped his head around, and gave me the lecture of my life. Which ended with the paragraph above. I can still hear his voice as I think about it.

I usually think of my mother as the principal reason I have always been a feminist (aka "someone who considers women to be people"), but remembering this, I realize I haven't given my father enough credit.

He started out making a point about her privacy and her reputation, but also said something more important: it was hers to give. Hers alone. No one else's to take, or gossip about, or criticize.

We can go back to arguing about whether we "need feminism" when every father in the United States tees off on his son with this lecture. Well before it's too late. Just in fucking case.

Not "don't get caught." Not "we'll sweep it under the rug so you can keep swimming." Not "next time don't get so drunk, kiddo."

Hers to give. Not yours to take, or talk trash on. Ever.