Day 13 (21) 1/14 '21
A friend Instagrammed her journal, mentioning how much she hated writing in it but how much her therapist insisted she do it.
We had a very big win at work today. But everytime I try to think about it, I put my head down and cry. My organization is good and does good things. But I don't. My last personal project to bear fruit was two years ago and since then, my projects have floundered.
It's the nature of the work and the nature of the field, but I find myself unable to start over with the next thing. I'm making small--if sometimes meaningful--contributions, doing routine and necessary--but not compelling--tasks. Wanting the important and interesting projects to gain traction, but certain I'm incapable of them--regardless of whether I was before.
There's a lot of thinking I need to do here but that's more than I have in me.