OK, here's a youtube-y link of my goofy kids earlier this evening. Hoping they work harder on math, because I don't think this is gonna do it for them.

I spent my evening teaching One Post Wonder to just Do The Right Thing when you paste a giphy link, or a youtube link, or a link to more or less anything that's meant to be embedded on the interwebs.

But now I'm going to shut off my computer. Because in our house, that's what happens at 9pm these days.

It's an adjustment!

There's a new post in my blog, Harbinger of Doom, regarding Rangers in D&D.

Other than that, baby-wrangling and LARP prep take up almost all of my time. We did take a break to play a bit of the new (?) - new to us, anyway - Portal 2 DLC. Short version of my review so far: Amaze.

Happy Birthday Brian Blessed!  I remember your warlike bellowing fondly, and today at work makes me want to have an honorary Brian Blessed Primal Screaming Hour ... so Happy Birthday to you and AAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH!

Whenever I drop V off at the train or at work or one of us leaves the house for some reason, I always think of the xkcd cartoon about considering your last words to everyone. I think the punch line was something like a couple saying something to each other like, "pick up some fucking milk on your way home, would you?" and what if that was the last thing you ever heard from them?  So I always worry too much about making sure I say, "I love you" to him and giving him a hug or a smooch or whatever. 
Usually when I drop him off at the train, as he crosses the street to the steps, I'll roll down the window and shout, "I love you!" and he'll get the slightly embarrassed face you'd expect on a kid whose mom is dropping him off at school and yelling it in front of all the other kids. he'll say, "I love you too," but it's with an air of "jeez, lady, do you have to shout?"

Considering that our neighborhood has a near-constant mantra of shouted cursing rolling from end to end of the district like an ocean wave, passed from junkie to alcoholic to nut to junkie to alcoholic to nut and so on, the result is that people who have their brains in order just stay as quiet as possible. My response to this is that maybe there should be more positive shouting. 

For example, when I call the dogs to come inside, I yell, "Hey ladiiiiieeeees!" or "What is up, my bitcheeeees?" 

if they refuse to come inside, they get, "Madam? Your Majesty?" until they give up.  All of this is always followed by enough "Good girl! Good Girl!" to make it sound like I'm advertising a dog food by that name. 

After two years of having lived next to Ant'ny and The Octomom's constant fighting, shouting, beating their dogs and calling their kids "motherfucker," I feel like I have to make a joyful noise to counteract their audiblebile (like that? see what I did there? "Audibile" would have been even better but autocorrect wouldn't let me do it without capitalization and quotation marks).

This morning, I rolled down the window to shout, "I love you," to the hastily departing Vincenzo, and I could already see his shoulders rising against the oncoming tide of embarrassment. I knew the rail trestle over my head would echo madly and make the whole thing worse, so instead, this is what came out of my mouth:

"What do we want? PEACE!
When do we want it? NOW!" 

He looked at me like I was insane, but he was laughing, so it was a good thing. 

This evening's nightly leap into the World Wide Rabbit Hole transported me onto the official site for actress/singer E. G. Daily. And just like that, my first serious adolescent celebrity crush came a-rollin' back. 

I'm pretty sure Valley Girl is the movie that got that ball rolling. Here's a nice collection of snippets from the movie - but really, if you haven't seen it, you should check it out. It's smart, funny, raunchy, and about six times better than it probably should have been. E. G., also known as Elizabeth, is the one with the biggest hair - no small feat for a teen cast in '83.

I mean - come ON. That's just not fair. I was doomed. Before I saw her, I was unaware that I had a "type" - I just liked pretty things. (I realize this post is making me dreadfully shallow. Sorry. I was 12.) But suddenly I knew exactly how I liked 'em: short. Curvy. Un-thin. Big eyes. Irrepressible smile. Slight husk in the voice.  Cute, rather than "pretty." In the pantheon of purely superficial methods for judging the physical aspects of our fellow humans, turns out these are a few of my favorite things. And Ms. Daily had 'em all. 

It didn't hurt, of course, that Valley Girl was rated R, and E. G. bared a good deal of her naughty bits on the screen. But so deep was my crush that I nearly turned away at those parts - it just seemed disrespectful to see my future prom date in such a state. (Nearly.) Besides, she was as wholesome as Donny Osmond baked in a vanilla pie in Pee-wee's Big Adventure, and she was totally my girlfriend in that movie, too. You remember her in that, right? She was Dottie, who had a serious unrequited crush on our titular hero, and what the actual shit, Pee-wee? How are you not saying "screw it, I'll get another bike," whisking her up in your arms (she's very pickupable, which is another plus), taking her to the park and smooching her on the jungle gym before sneaking into the skating rink without paying because Ms. Daily is all about having fun? How are you not holding hands with her during Ladyhawke as you try to position your knuckles on her mini-skirted leg, because it's just "more comfortable that way?" How are you not asking her to slow-dance to Bob Seger's "We Got Tonight" even though you know you'll be spending the next four minutes desperately trying to hide your erection? 

Since then, E. G.'s had her share of "work" done, which is her prerogative, of course, but still a minor disappointment. But I'm delighted to learn that even though the last movie I saw her in was The Devil's Rejects (2005), she's as active as ever, appearing in a bunch of movies and shows and doing a slew of voice-over work, arguably her bread n' butter. She's even got a nice singing career going; her slightly weather-beaten voice is a fine instrument for the pleasant country-pop she favors. And she still has that way of looking right into the lens as if to say "Matt, I've got all these tiresome boys after me and all these actressy things I gotta do, but what do you say we find some bleachers and see if we can get to second base, which is perfect because I'm honestly not quite sure what you're supposed to do on the following bases."

That's what that look is saying to you guys too, right? Um...right?

- . - . - . - . -

This has been the first installment of Matt's Childhood Crushes. Tune in next time as we discuss Diane Franklin, with a special focus on what happened when Matt discovered an odd but vital film entitled Second Time Lucky. Ta.

Just played our second show at Philly's Primary Stages tonight (it's a two-night event), and maaaan, what a difference a day makes.  Last night I sounded like ass thanks to the incoming plague, but last night before bed I ate 87263786 libbz of vitamins and herbs and rocks and branches and waved a dead chicken over my altar... and after sleeping all day today, it appears I have dodged the bullet of full-blown plague and have acquired only half-a-plague, glory glory hallelujah. 

So yeah, tonight went really well. The playwrights, actors, and directors did a bang up job.  We've been the house band for about 3 years now, it's neat watching certain directors, actors, and playwrights improve over time. We definitely have our favorite playwrights and actors, and we get extra-excited when our favorites pair up because we know it'll be a great piece.  They got a good crowd on both nights, but tonight's crowd was a bit bigger and a lot louder. To save time at intermission we'll sometimes play unplugged, and tonight we did, which was a mistake in that people didn't really hear our intermission stuff over their talking, but it was also fine because we're smart enough to know that the night (especially our short intermission set) isn't about us anyway; it's the playwrights', actors', and directors' night... we're just decoration. :-)  You can save yourself a lot of frustration in life if you can step back and know your place in the world from situation to situation. It's not always about you, and that's OK.  Healthy, even.

With that, it was a pretty full house tonight, and many people were seeing us for the first time. I gotta admit, it feels reaaallly good when an audience sees us and thinks, "Yawn, mid-40s-ish acoustic duo" when we first take the stage, and they're screaming "HOT BREAKFAST!!" by the end of a 25 minute set of mostly originals. Definitely made up for my sickly pipes of last night. My voice still wasn't 100% tonight, but I could compensate for the weak spots for the most part. I felt good about it.

(Interruption: Why are my motion detector lights going on outside every 2 seconds? (Another interruption: My tablet autocorrected "motion detector" to "moron detector" which makes me very happy. That would come in handy.) )

In other news, the other night we couldn't fall asleep because we were giggling like 5th graders at a sleepover because of this thing we "invented" called the "fart tube."  I'll explain it in a future post, because it's slightly more than just a tube for farts, I'll have you know. As you can imagine, it is so ridiculously juvenile and completely idiotic... yet we wanna involve our friends in a video project surrounding the Fart Tube, similar to Kevin Regan's "punch people in the face" photo series. (That is a Kevin Regan thing, right? I never knew.) 

Like I said, I'll explain the fart tube in a future post. You'll just have to wait.

HOW'S THAT FOR A CLIFFHANGER??

(ps: I have never used the full-blown OPW site; I've only ever used the mobile site. Gee, this is really quite lovely! Swell joerb, Sean M Puckett  and Thomas Boutell! So purty! I can tag people! And rich text!  HOLY CRAP!)

I like light. Lots of light. Especially when it's dark outside.

And what do you know, it's October. And winter is coming. The fucker.

So this is the new lighting for my messy workspace. I put 25 of these 6 Watt LED candelabra bulbs in an old C7 Christmas light string, stapled right over my desk. The spectrum on these is pretty good, about par with high end CFLs.

Math says it's 9000 lumens in about a 6x6 foot space. It's a far cry from sunlight. You can see actual sunlight hitting the brown roof of the house next door out the  window, yeah the brown roof that's as bright as the bulbs are. But still about 10x average room illumination. You can kind of tell how bright it really is because my monitors, which are displaying white backgrounds, look pretty dim, except for the MacBook which cranks its backlight way up.

Anyway, my eyes say it's really, really nice.

I am only using it in the mornings so I don't get light-induced sleep disruption. 

Jeez! Life gets busy and I drop out for a while and **!!!Bam!!!** my inbox fills with guilt-inducing "your friends sure have been busy on OnePostWonder" messages - the implication? Where the Hades have you been, eh?

So I'm still  hustling to make my writing/ editing/ marketing business self-sustaining. I've been writing lots of resumes (and am on here procrastinating about a Federal style resume I must tackle next - in.tim.i.da.ting!)

I've concluded, based on conversations with several friends/ colleagues who are fellow freelancers, that my next best move is to create an LLC. But to do so, I need a business name. "J.Ireland Writer" is, well, less than inspirational.

And thus I'm reaching out to y'all, as I toss around potential business names. Suggestions/ comments/ feedback/ other ideas welcome! 

Cornucopia Creative Solutions, LLC; Carousel Creative Solutions, LLC; Renaissance Creative Solutions, LLC; Infinite Creative Solutions, LLC; Lyrica (or Lyrical?) Creative Solutions, LLC.

In a nutshell, I've been writing/editing web copy, resumes, marketing "supplies," press releases, press packets, ghost blogs & educational materials. If we're not going to end up living in my parents' basement, I need to kick it up a level, hence the LLC. Any of the ideas above catch your eye?

Thanks for reading! And now... back to resumes. 

...o grant thy faithful hedgehog's boon...