Here is my elaborate system of alarms to wake myself up in the morning. 

I started sleeping through songs such as Bowie's "The Stars Are Out Tonight," so now I have songs alternating on different days. The 5:15 alarm is just to cut through heavy sleep, and make sure I actually hear the 5:30 alarm enough to get up. The 5:45 alarm is in case I sleep through the 5:30 alarm. The later ones are to keep me from forgetting that I have to walk out the door at 6:30, dressed and packed or not.

Here's the playlist of tunes: 

Abigail, Belle of Kilronan 

Mozart's Concerto for Piano & Orchestra #23 

Sh-Boom 

When The Saints Go Marching In

Mr. Sandman (lyrically counterintuitive, but peppy) 

Say It Again 

Alyda 

Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying 

Needle In A Haystack 

You're No Good

Come And Get Your Love 

Zig Zag Wanderer

A song that I have promised never to use as my alarm ever again is the Postmodern Jukebox bluegrass version of Blurred Lines. It opens with a shout of, "EVERYBODY GET UP!" 

Which sends both Vince and me through  the roof. Not in a good way. 

We'll see how this works out. 

Added, only for Friday at 5:30: Peg, by Steely Dan. 

Well, that explains/confirms a lot.

Have you ever felt like crap but you had stuff to do so you wouldn't allow yourself to really BE sick, and then when you get medical confirmation that you are, indeed, sick, you suddenly feel 73,000 times worse?  So, that.

I admit I'm about due for an iron infusion, but I've worked so little this year that I figured, "Meh, I haven't been flying around the country every week, so maybe my iron is better than the calendar implies it should be." So I ignored it, like an idiot.

And last week I got the always annoying and "Holy shit it's now serious" angular chelitis, which is when the corner of your lip rips and no amount of lip balm, neosporin, or other ointments in the universe will heal it. It is caused by iron deficiency and/or its good friend Vitamin B/folate deficiency.  As soon as my lip ripped, I thought, "OK, no more fucking around and trying to ignore this. Get your damn bloodwork and get fixed, Knapp."

I only had my period twice in 2016, so I assumed my ol' body was doing the menopause thang (my Mom went through it early, too)... but in 2017 it's been back with a vengeance. As of July, I've had 4 periods already, and they've all been 10 days long (as always) and ridiculously heavy. So yeah, even though I haven't been traveling as much this year and using up my iron reserves by running through airports, instead I'm exhausting my iron reserves by being a freakin' female. (A female who would love to have her ladyparts removed, thx... but noooooo, good heavens. "We don't just go removing perfectly good organs," says my OB/GYN.  Nice. Yank it out, please. And no, I don't want an endometrial ablation... good lord, it sounds awful.)

I went for my double-bloodwork on Monday... which means I had 2 vials of blood drawn for my anemia labs, but I also had *11 vials* drawn for my "big bloodwork" which tests everything from protein, calcium, PTH, zinc* and everything else that could ever be tested.   I got my anemia labs back this morning (my "big bloodwork" results will take longer because they're so much bigger) and HOLY CRAP I am in the shiiiiiitter. Like shit-ter. SHITTER I SAY.  Not only did some results show "Low" (though if the target range of something was, say, 11-30, my value was 5), there were others that had a bold, italicized ALERT next to some which is to say "Daaaaaaaamn, girl."  So this definitely explains the desire to stay in bed 16 hours a day and also explains why I sound like shit in Lizzie rehearsals, and why at our last Hot Breakfast! shows I couldn't get through a damn phrase without taking extra breaths. (And people thought that was performey "faux exaustion."  Nope. Genuinely gasping, folks. Just trying to play it off so nobody calls the paramedics at a gig.)

I suppose the good news is that insurance won't have any problem paying for an iron infusion or two... though the dumb news is that an iron infusion costs $500 if I were to pay out of pocket (which is a bargain), but costs $3000 when billed to insurance.

At Labcorp, they said I owed $18.00 out of pocket for my anemia labs, and $83.00 out of pocket for my big labs. I have an $8500 deductible.  Only $8399 out of pocket to go!  Plus $490/month for the honor of having this "insurance."  I am SO mixed on the ACA. On one hand, I am so happy I can even qualify for insurance (hello, pre-existing condition), but I have to mentally budget $490 x 12 + $8500 a year for healthcare. I don't feel $14380's worth of sick... especially when an iron infusion costs $500 out of pocket. I have to keep telling myself this insurance is there in case I get hit by a truck or get that cancer diagnosis that is lurking around the corner.**

In other news, Matt and I were supposed to head down to the beach today until Thursday morning, but we just found out 20 mins ago that Matt's friend Lisa's dad has passed and his services are tomorrow... so we'll be home instead.  It's kinda funny how we've had this beach trip on the calendar for two weeks, but I never really "felt in The Force" that we were going. And boom-- there it is. I feel awful about Lisa's dad... that poor girl has had waaaay more bad shit happen in her life than anyone else should. She's a friggin' math teacher, ferfuckssake. Bad shit shouldn't happen to math teachers. 

Does anyone here watch Stranger Things ? Matt subscribes to Entertainment Weekly which helps us pretend we have a vague idea about what is happening in pop culture (though it just reinforces that we really don't)... but EW makes a compelling case for Stranger Things. So do a few of our friends who all say "Out of everyone, we can't believe YOU don't watch it!" (Geez, you do a Total Eclipse of the Heart cover and all of a sudden you're stuck at 17.  Eh, nah... really... I guess we wear our trapped-in-the-80s-dom loud and proud on our sleeves. Why fight it?) I admit I haven't binge-watched a show in eons, and it is kinda fun... so I'm thinking that might be something to do on this staycation.

In other news, I want to shoot myself in the fucking face for missing Lindsay Harris-Friel ​​​​​'s big reading this past weekend. It's been in the back of my head as something I had every intention of doing, and boom... I just didn't. I kept thinking July had one more week left, and I just never put it on my calendar... blah blah blah. I can't blame anyone but myself. I'm a fucking idiot.  But I am really, really sad I missed it. Not only selfishly because I really do like that play and I wanted to see someone else's interpretation of it... but also because I love Lindsay and want to support my friend. (Don't worry, I emailed this to her already... but I'm still kicking my own ass VERY HARD over it.) 

I mean, I do expect to miss out on a large percentage of things in life because I'm not on Facebook, and some people only communicate events and life happenings there (which is cool).  But I take my "if I'm not gonna be on Facebook then I will listen very carefully on OPW/DW/Email/meatspace" obligation very seriously. But I fucked up. Ugh. I'm a schmuckface.

OK, I'm gonna go figure out what to do about my hairz. (Dye it at home? Go back to The Land of Triple Processing Overpriced Brillo? Try somewhere new? I have to have presentable hair by Friday, cause I have a new client meeting and blue/green/gray hair isn't gonna cut it.)

Ok, I got stuff to do.

----------------

*  (Is it just me? I cannot type or say "zinc" without hearing the Simpsons fake school science movie bit with "Come back, Zinc!" Anyone else?)

** (I'm a Knapp. I've got tons of cancer on both sides of the family... plus never having been pregnant increases my chances of breast cancer bigly, and only being on hormonal contraception for like 20 minutes in fits and spurts also increases the risk of ladycancer. Whatever. Bring it.)

Folks to follow here on One Post Wonder:

You should check out Rebecca Metraux Canna and her delicious baking skillz. Also Anne Mollo for her storytelling. And Matt Lichtenwalner for his artwork and tales from the road. General excellent-human-ness goes without saying.

Matt and I were supposed to go to the beach to enjoy a little change of scenery, but Matt's folks forgot they told us we could use the beach place and instead gave it to Matt's aunt. (Totally no biggie.)

So earlier today I had to drop some stuff off in Philly for a client, and on my way home I got a frantic call from Jeremy. Apparently the Moskosteins are heading out of town tomorrow and so they brought JD to the dogsitter today-- it's the same dogsitter they've used for 8-9 years, whom JD loves and vice versa. But today JD just did not want to go. He was angry when they put him in the car, and once they drove to the dogsitter in NJ, JD was really not happy and didn't want to get out of the van. Eventually JD was coaxed out of the van and then bit the dogsitter on the arm and also snapped at and just barely missed a small dog whom JD normally gets along with.  JD has never bitten anyone/anything before (not that we can remember anyway), so this was scary, upsetting, confusing, and a zillion other adjectives one uses along with worried eyebrows. So the dogsitter said she couldn't risk not only her own safety but the safety of her other clients' dogs, so Jeremy was asked to get JD out.  It was a scary and awkward and sad situation for everyone involved... but Jeremy was also in a bind because he's trying to get his family on a plane and now he needs an emergency dogsitter for a dog who is now biting people he supposedly loves. I said "Bring him here, please... he'll be fine, and so will we."

Nicole and Jeremy brought JD over and he as soon as they pulled into our driveway, JD's tail was wagging and he was perfectly fine... clearly much much happier to be at our place.  If I had to guess, I'd say that JD is hurting and just didn't want to be someplace where he'd be annoyed by 5 other dogs and not where he's totally comfortable... so JD figured if he misbehaved at the dogsitter he'd get to go someplace else. Smart dog!

ADDED MONDAY the 24th:

So we had JD all weekend, and everything was perfectly fine... absolutely noooo sense of  doggie weirdness.  It is sad to see how often he'll be walking and BLAM his back legs give out. He doesn't seem to be "in pain," but when his rear legs just fail, it is kinda awkward and inconvenient for him when it happens. But when he's laying down he's still very much a happy, good, playful dog... so having end-of-life discussions seems premature right now. 

But JD was picked back up this morning and brought back to Chez Moskostein, because Laura and Audrey are back home from their trip now. (Jeremy will be away for a little while longer.)

In other news, Lizzie rehearsal is going well, and if the voices involved are the litmus, this is gonna be one hell of a show. 

OK, that's enough outta me.

Xo

When I built OPW, I never meant for folks to feel like every post has to be Shakespeare. But — and this is a testament to the love and care people do put into their posts — it often feels that way, even to me. I only get one per day! So it had better be awesome! So I don't post at all!

But I don't want it to be that way. So I'm going to try to be the fluff I want to see in the world. If I'm fresh out of spoons — if all I have is, let's say, half a spork — I'm just gonna keep it light.

Wait... that was insightful. Does this post still qualify as light? Am I cheating? O NOES

Just a quick note to help me remember my dreams from last night. I'm back to not remembering them most of the time, and I want to start recalling them. Time to start writing them down again.

In the first portion of my dreams from last night that I recall, I was at a very large party filled with people. The setting was some large space - like a gymnasium or something similar. Very tall as well as wide.

The party was a sort of double masquerade. Everyone was role playing as a Batman villain, but the idea was not to be overt about it. Not to wear their costume outright. Then, through how they acted/talked, you tried to figure out who they were.

Except I was Batman. I remember feeling VERY tall as I walked around the room. I was talking to people in a very 'Bruce' fashion. Curt, polite, but no frivolity. It was confusing the hell out of people.

It just goes to show the weirdness of dreams. If Batman was an option? Pretty sure I wouldn't be the only person playing him.

As the dream went on, I found things getting a bit more 'real'. Which is to say that people were sorta taking on their roles more realistically. Less a masquerade. They weren't the characters they were playing, but instead simply behaved more like them and it was less 'acting'.

I found myself talking to Jerry Springer. Yup. Jerry Springer.

Pretty sure I've never watched a full episode of his show, but somehow he gets a guest spot in this awesome dream.

Anyway, Jerry was stuck up on this tiny stand. It was enough to stand on, but not much more. Maybe 3'x2'. He was crouched and his fingers were wrapped around the edges of the platform in the way that they would be if he was holding it to the bottom of his feet. I have no idea how/why he was stuck this way, but he was.

Someone tried to lower the platform, which would have pinched/severed Jerry's fingers, so I moved beneith it and held it up with my shoulder. I wasn't Batman anymore - just me - a decent human being. The unknown villain kept trying. They were trying to hurt Jerry - it wasn't any kind of an accident.

When they grew frustrated because I wouldn't let the platform come down on his fingers, they reversed the direction, and sent the platform up into the air. I, of course, wrapped my arms around the platform in an attempt to hold the platform down.

It didn't work, and Jerry and I lifted really high into the air. As some of you may know, I have a terrible fear of manmade heights, and I was hanging on with just my arms, which were growing terribly tired. It was really terrifying.

We were eventually lowered again, when our assailant grew tired of us not falling/dying/screaming/whatever.

I immediately launched myself at them. They danced away from the controls to the platform and played innocent.

While I was confronting them, someone else went over near the platform and smashed my Wacom or iPad (not sure which it was - in the dream it was my 'digital tablet') in an effort to hurt me for interfering. It worked. With all the artwork and effort I've put into these devices, I was was really upset as I tried to play it off as 'no big deal' and cleaned up the shards of the device.

And that's about where it ended.

Weird dreams ftw.

. filled a few more garbage bags
. picked up the car share vehicle, a RAV-4
. loaded it with the old display panels and some spare foam core/mat board
. delivered that all to a local non-profit art centre
. loaded it to the roof with more crap
. dropped it all at the dump, 180kg for $14
. loaded it again 
. dropped the hedge trimmer at c's house
. dropped the houseware donations at the thrift store
. dropped the vintage game manuals at the pc museum in brantford
. dropped off construction surplus at the ReStore
. went to IKEA for lunch
. then essentially filled the vehicle with flat packs and cushions
. went to home depot and got a few things
. went to home hardware hoping to get something home depot didn't get
. came home and unloaded the IKEA stuff and returned the vehicle
. then I stretch-wrapped all the books, dvds and cds, making an enormous pile 
. loaded old frames and anime into k's car for further distribution
. introduced our old piano to its new owner
. while d went to a car-share governance meeting

Tomorrow I am most likely going to hurt. But today, today was a good day.

Giant zucchini season has arrived!

I'm usually not one to brag, but I grew this. Yay, me!

Hi, all!

July 4th, seeing the folks; parental update

Spent July 4th up at my folks' place. I sometimes feel guilty that they don't have any friends who invite them to hang out on holidays, so late on the 3rd Matt and I decided to head up to their place. Was happy to see them.

My dad has been battling this mystery ailment where food tastes BAD (like decidedly awful), and it's been like this for about 6-8 weeks. Because of this, he doesn't really like to eat anymore, so his energy is crap now. I'm worried about him. Not sure what the fix is, but his doctors ordered him labwork and everything came back OK, except for low sodium. (Which is funny, considering he always would eat salty snacks and put a crap-ton of salt on his food. But he doesn't eat the salty snacks anymore because of how awful everything tastes... hence his now-too-low sodium. I find it so fascinating that the body craves what it knows it needs.)

Work/money/gigs

In other news, I have no work lined up and it is scary. We also have no Hot Breakfast gigs scheduled.  We must remedy these things.

My book royalty checks have been keeping me afloat in these non-workin' times... but last month's book royalty check was $105. For the record, $105 does not pay the mortgage.  (The reason the book royalty check was so small was because my book is sold by two different companies: Pearson (my publisher) and SafariBooksOnline.com (a reseller). 99% of my book sales come from Safari, and Safari didn't get their monthly sales numbers to Pearson in time for the May royalty check (which I receive in June) because of Memorial Day.  No biggie... my July royalty check will have both May and June's royalties in there. But I can't tell my mortgage company to just wait a month.

What else can I update you on...

Lizzie

I dunno if y'all remember, but I was asked to audition for and got cast in Lizzie, which is a four-woman hard-rock musical based on Lizzie Borden. I play Emma, Lizzie's very pissed off and much-older sister.  The show was supposed to go up in April, but the theater was having trouble securing the space (they lease space from Opera Delaware) for rehearsals and the show dates. So the show got pushed back and pushed back, and got pushed back so far that we lost our Lizzie because she had plans to move to California in July, which she just did.  So anyhoo, things have solidified, and rehearsals officially start next week for a September run.  The girl we got to replace our original Lizzie is wonderful, so I'm excited about that. I am 20-ish years older than the other cast members... curious how we'll interact. Also curious what the costumers are thinking about dressing us in. I've seen some photos from some productions where the cast is in lingerie and/or BSDM gear. I've seen others where they are dressed all emo/goth. And then there are others where the girls are wearing period-appropriate clothes. So I dunno.  All I know is I desperately need a haircut and dye job, but I don't know if they'll want my nutty Jill Hair, or if they're gonna stick a wig on me.  I'll know more in 2 weeks, I guess!

Golden Anniversary 

This weekend is Matt's parents' 50th Anniversary party (their actual anniversary is tomorrow). Tonight (Friday) we're having a small family get-together, and then tomorrow (Saturday) is the big soirée at a restaurant. They planned it themselves and also said "No gifts, we mean it!" which essentially makes us look like jerks. My mom used to do that all the time... she'd book her own party and then would make everyone feel like a shitbird* for not throwing a party for her.

Allrighty-- gonna try to catch a 40-minute nap before we head to Matt's folks' for Anniversary Dinner Round 1.

Hope all is well.

------

* "Shitbird." Thanks, Gas-Man!

15+ years ago while in Toledo Spain, I bought a sword from a tourist shop. It's supposedly a replica of El Cid's sword. Of course, the nice Spaniard running the shop wouldn't lie to an American tourist just to make a sale, would he?

It wasn’t sharpened when I got it – they let me carry it on the plane home for goodness sakes – after they wrapped it for me. It was pre 9/11, but still. And I never had a reason to sharpen it.

It hung in the foyer of my New Orleans house for some years, and when I moved to San Francisco, it lived on the mantel of my bedroom. "To better prevent misunderstandings", I’d quip, when anyone commented on it.

For some reason, last night I decided I needed to find the sword. I went searching this house for it. And after 20 minutes poking through dusty corners of my basement, I found it. Only the slightest bit of rust has settled on the blade.

My 6-year-old was immediately smitten. A sword! How cool. Since it has no edge, I told her she could play with it, but only outside. Last thing I needed is her swinging it around and breaking the TV or a window. As we’re making our way to the front yard, she somehow managed to cut the back of her foot with it.

Yeah, with a dull tourist sword my kid nicks her heel. Freak-out commences. 

It’s going to be fun telling the Ex. “umm, so, that cut on her heel? The kid was playing with my sword, and cut herself ...”

Sigh.