Source: reddit user: u:/karmagheden in r/LateStageCapitalism

I actually wasn't wild about the idea of being chaotic, but I had yet to ascend an elf in this sequence, so away we go on a quest for Mars.

The first notable thing that happened in the Gnomish Mines was that I fell down a trap door in the middle of a narrow passage and landed on the wrong side of the up stairs.  Without a pick-axe to dig around the trap, I was unable to (reliably) get back to my dog Sirius.  Just as I was bemoaning this misfortune, I happened upon... a wand of wishing!  Always test out your wands, folks.  A stroke of luck like this is usually sufficient to preserve your life.

Sirius eventually died from falling into a pit, and my pet giant ant Auntie (whom I hatched from an egg!) was murdered by monsters at Mines' End.  Soon after that I made the terrible mistake of picking up a loadstone.  Don't do that, folks.  Trying to deal with the encumbrance nearly cost me this beautifully equipped Ranger.

Mars didn't help me get rid of the loadstone, and I then made the awful mistake of walking far away from my entire stash of rations.  I didn't notice my predicament until it was almost too late.  Crawling back while fainting, I just barely made it to the food in time.

When I finally got Stormbringer, I was both pleased and apprehensive.  "Stormy" is a life-draining sword (from Michael Moorcock's Elric of Melniboné stories) that doesn't much care whom it attacks.  So it's risky to use around pets or other peaceful creatures whom you don't want to anger.  Keep that in mind for later, but for now I had no pets and resolved to be extra careful around shopkeepers and temple priests.

During my descent to the Wizard of Yendor's lair, I somehow missed finding the ladder to Vlad's.  When Rodney then woke up before I was ready, I had to deal with constant harrassment up and down the depths of Gehennom.  And then I forgot my candles and had to go back for them.  I forgot several things, really, in my haste to get stuff done before the Wizard hassled me even more.  But I shambled forward to the Amulet, and made my way back without a lot of dilly-dallying.

3 mysterious forces, ah ha ha.  At the Valley again, I decided to dilly-dally by equipping a pet Archon named Archie.  And then I remembered that Stormbringer is a big risk for me to wield near a pet Archon.  Oh dear.  But the goodie-goodie won't wield it himself, so I hang onto Stormy and give him my backup:  "The invisible Archie wields the rustproof +7 Fire Brand!"

At one point when my bloodthirsty blade attacks, I hear "Gasp!"  I think Archie is offended that I'm using Stormbringer.  And I've already poked him with it once within four dungeon levels.  Luckily he forgave both that and another tap much later.  He was a very good friend indeed.

I and the invisible Archie the Archon and the guardian Angel of Mars went to our reward with 3307830 points, Stormbringer, The Longbow of Diana, Sunsword, The Book of the Dead, Orcrist, Demonbane, Sting, The Bell of Opening, The Candelabrum of Invocation, The Master Key of Thievery, 12 rubies, 10 emeralds, 9 black opals, 9 amethyst stones, 9 agate stones, 8 diamonds, 7 chrysoberyl stones, 7 jasper stones, 6 jet stones, 4 dilithium crystals, 4 topaz stones, 4 fluorite stones, 3 obsidian stones, 3 jade stones, 2 turquoise stones, 2 aquamarine stones, 2 opals, 2 garnet stones, 1 sapphire , 1 citrine stone, 1 amber stone, 4 amulets of life saving, and 146513 pieces of gold, after 77256 moves.  I was level 29 with a maximum of 685 hit points when I ascended.

This puts me on a streak of 2 ascensions in a row, but I've saved two of the toughest for last:  the Rogue and the Tourist.

So now you have to discover it too.

To the victors go the one post wonders, but let's remember the guys who weren't so fortunate:
Priest #1 acquired Magicbane, but was promptly instakilled by a rabid rat.
Priest #2 was pincushioned by a gnome lord in the Gnomish Mines.
Priest #3 was killed by an ape while blinded by a yellow light.
Priest #4 was killed by a chameleon imitating a warg.
Priest #5 was killed by a touch of death from an ARCH-LICH on level 7???  That was probably a chameleon, too.

But the sixth one stayed up!  He was gifted Vorpal Blade and used it throughout the dungeon, also acquiring the means of reflection, levitation, conflict, and teleport control.  It was at this point that he stumbled into a level teleporter and was presented with a fateful choice: 

"To what level do you want to teleport?"

Answering "99" gets you underneath the Castle, so he sneaked in the back door and allowed the trolls in the throne room to finish off most of the other monsters.  From there, it was back to the Quest and some great dining experiences.  "Welcome to experience level 20.  You feel cool!"  Indeed.

Vorpal Blade has its disadvantages, like "Somehow, you miss the invisible black light wildly" but it is fun to decapitate demon lords instead of just wounding them.  Here's a scary moment:  "The bullwhip wraps around Vorpal Blade you're wielding!  The horned devil yanks Vorpal Blade from your hand!"  Oh, fudge.  Luckily it was cursed to wield that bullwhip instead of turning the beheading tables.

Later our heroic priest became the Envoy of Balance and cut down some shades with a silver saber, but for the most part it was Vorpy all the way.  While trying to find everything else on his shopping list, he got one last treat:  "You unleash a water demon!  Grateful for her release, she grants you a wish!"

He went to his reward with 4769988 points and 105737 pieces of gold, after 81735 moves.

Perhaps you've heard of me.

It would be interesting if I could make my way through the dungeon by healing everyone I meet.  "The werejackal thanks you for removing his curse and departs rejoicing!"  But no, it's mostly slaying things as usual.  The vast majority of the healing I performed was vampiric in nature:  "The Staff of Aesculapius draws the life from the <Alas Poor Yorick>".  I established base camps at altars on levels 7, 17, 27, and 37.  Lucky 7s!  "This ring of teleport control is delicious!"  My pet giant zombie named Zorba kept picking up things I was trying to sort, so I locked him on the other side of a door, which he promptly smashed down.  "Master I love you so much!  Why did you lock the door?"  I really have no idea what became of him shortly after that.  He and Stoney the stone golem and Vlad the vampire didn't make it to the altar with me.  I stumbled a bit in the Plane of Air and the Astral Plane, but eventually turned things around.  Keeping spare wishes in your back pocket is sometimes a very good idea.

I and Quatro the Coatl and invisible Archie the Archon went to our reward with 3182509 points,
The Staff of Aesculapius (worth 5000 zorkmids and 12500 points)
The Bell of Opening (worth 5000 zorkmids and 12500 points)
The Book of the Dead (worth 10000 zorkmids and 25000 points)
The Candelabrum of Invocation (worth 5000 zorkmids and 12500 points)
Trollsbane (worth 200 zorkmids and 500 points)
Sunsword (worth 1500 zorkmids and 3750 points)
Excalibur (worth 4000 zorkmids and 10000 points)
Cleaver (worth 1500 zorkmids and 3750 points)
Frost Brand (worth 3000 zorkmids and 7500 points)
      11 amethyst stones (worth 6600 zorkmids),
      10 diamonds (worth 40000 zorkmids),
      10 rubies (worth 35000 zorkmids),
       8 turquoise stones (worth 16000 zorkmids),
       8 amber stones (worth 8000 zorkmids),
       8 topaz stones (worth 7200 zorkmids),
       7 emeralds (worth 17500 zorkmids),
       7 jasper stones (worth 3500 zorkmids),
       5 aquamarine stones (worth 7500 zorkmids),
       5 agate stones (worth 1000 zorkmids),
       4 jet stones (worth 3400 zorkmids),
       3 chrysoberyl stones (worth 2100 zorkmids),
       3 fluorite stones (worth 1200 zorkmids),
       2 black opals (worth 5000 zorkmids),
       2 opals (worth 1600 zorkmids),
       2 garnet stones (worth 1400 zorkmids),
       2 jade stones (worth 600 zorkmids),
       1 dilithium crystal (worth 4500 zorkmids),
       1 jacinth stone (worth 3250 zorkmids),
       1 sapphire (worth 3000 zorkmids),
       1 citrine stone (worth 1500 zorkmids),
       1 obsidian stone (worth 200 zorkmids),
       6 amulets of life saving (worth 900 zorkmids),
       1 amulet of magical breathing (worth 150 zorkmids),
and 95231 pieces of gold, after 64647 moves.
I was level 22 with a maximum of 376 hit points when I ascended.

Today was our last day with Taz.  He was a very good boy, soft and sweet.  Here he is in happier times on a walk with the manatees.

Exploring dungeons isn't easy, what with all the rolling boulder traps.  Some creatures even enjoy being hit with a +2 bullwhip.  Not snakes, though.  "The pit viper falls into a pit!  How pitiful.  Isn't that the pits?"

If you need to hide from enemies in a bookstore, always remember to pick up a book and look like you're thinking about buying it.  Stay in there for as long as you need to.  The shopkeeper will keep those ruffians away from his customer.

If you have something you want to get rid of, find someone who will take it from you.  But first make sure that you've nothing else left for them to take.

I and Celeborn the elf-lord went to our reward with 4798200 points and 115592 pieces of gold, after 81116 moves.  I was level 29 with a maximum of 593 hit points when I ascended.

I just saw an advertisement for the Fantasy Island TV series.  Not the original with Ricardo Montalbán, may he rest in peace, but is the reboot with Malcolm McDowell still going after a decade or so?  No, it is not.  That lasted for one season TWENTY-FIVE YEARS AGO.