Last night we went out for dinner because we had cabin fever. We went to our favorite pub. It was mostly deserted. 

One table away from us were three people, a woman and two men. The woman and one of the men were a couple, and the other man was talking, very, very loudly, about how he would never even joke about wanting to sleep with her, because, of course, they're just friends. She was echoing the same sentiment back to him. He was talking about how even if he finds someone attractive, once they're married, he no longer finds them bangable, because the "no" switch flips and that's all there is to it.


It was totally a "methinks the lady doth protest too much" situation, because the guy was talking so loudly that it was like he was trying to make a very public declaration. It was like the very bad first act of a police procedural tv show, where, 24 hours later, the character that is me should go down and answer the doorbell to find two police detectives on the doorstep, holding a photograph of the woman and her husband, asking if I had seen the two of them lately.


When the noisy guy left, they said to him, "it was nice meeting you." I thought holy shit, it's your first time meeting these people, and you're having the "of course I'd never want to sleep with you" conversation?

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3/2 '15 1 Comment
"it was nice meeting you -- but if I see your face again they'll need to scrape it off my boots."
 

Archer told Hunter he was crushing his head (a la Kids in the Hall).

Hunter immediately puffed out his cheeks and inflated his head.

Because of course that's what you do if your brother remotely crushes your head ... why didn't any of us adults think of that?

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2/27 '15 7 Comments
Because we didn't see it from inside the crush.
It kills me when Hunter responds appropriately like that without missing a beat. He definitely has his father's comic timing. Archer and I might get there, but not that fast.
I told my mom this story ("I'm crushing your head" is one of her favorite things) and she laughed really hard.
Because love. That. Kid.
Errr... those kids. *bad uncle*
You are a great uncle. And soon you will have a bunch of stories for them that begin, "When I was in Japan ..."

eee!
Yeah - already have a few. And some mythology which I did not have before...
 

Too tired to type. 

Imagine Into The Woods, except instead of a forest and palaces and towers and cottages and a village, imagine a library, or a curiosity shop, or both, a magical shelved room with a piano and harp in one corner. And a string quartet just beyond the shelves. 

And everyone's dressed in thrift shop clothes. And lit with strings of fairy lights, and small table lamps. 

The cow is a gently contemplative young man with an accordion. 

Now, if you're a hard core Sondheim fan, imagine "No One Is Alone" in this environment. 

I bawled so hard that Ted put his arm around me. 

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2/26 '15 4 Comments
I would have bawled too.
I'll tell you all about it next time I see you. For the first half of the show, I kept thinking, "I can't wait to write about this to Shelle!" About 1/3 of the way into Act II, I felt like, "I can't write about this to Shelle, it hurts too much."
How long is it running? I am dying to take Archer, but our schedules are bananas because his show goes up March 6.
Closes this weekend & remaining performances are sold out. We only got in because of a waiting list & we got wheelchair seats. Plus, I begged and used Ted as leverage. Yes, I played the autism card. More in a bit.
 

I'm not getting sick.
I'm not getting sick.
I can't be getting sick.
Please no.
No.
NO.

UPDATE: My body told me to F myself. Woke up with a fever and swollen glands and unable to swallow. Thank goodness today is Day 3 of class and not Day 1 or 2.  

UPDATE #2: Oh goodie. Delta just canceled my flight home and rebooked me for tomorrow. Uh, no. I'm not staying over an extra night. I want to go home and be sick in my own house.

Today is not my day.

UPDATE #3: Well, at least now I know I can't be angry at Delta... it's not their fault Atlanta (my connecting city) was shut down because it doesn't know how to deal with 8+" of snow. 

https://mobile.twitter.com/NWS_Southern_US/status/570986372053356546?s=09

So instead I bought a direct flight home on USAir and I got home 3.5 hours earlier than I would otherwise have. So it actually worked out... Sick Jill was in bed by 8pm.

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2/25 '15 7 Comments
Dear Jill's immune system. Kick it into high gear and do your job. We have socks to discuss.
Sorry beb. Sounds like a day of suck.
Fuck Delta. I hope you get home safely and soon.
HOME. NOW. PLZ.
NO NO N NO NO NO NO.
 

Free game.  Yellow 90's Paris.  Absinthe. Occult books.  unspeakble eldritch horror.  Shellefly.




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2/24 '15 6 Comments
We'll play. At least we will if I get a flask of rum, a flashlight and a map. Oh, and maybe a little holy water too.
Shelle, will you play it with me?
I will if Brettttt will.
Right now it's a two player game!!!! But seems like a spectator sport, especially if everyone is qualified to make literary, horror, or Parisian references.
Links aren't working for me, and that makes me sad.
 

I swear to you I'm not just going to post links to my blog here. I'm just reaaally focused on spending my time adventuring right now, so what little writing I'm doing...

There will be normal stuff here soon enough. For now, check out the latest post over on ROITS...

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2/24 '15 3 Comments
Water buffalo! Did they love you like dogs love you? Eeee! I love that picture!
In truth, I didn't test that out. If a dog (even a large dog) decides it doesn't like me, I'm confident in my ability to extract myself from the situation. If a water buffalo decides that it doesn't like me....
Then it's a real-life Warner Brothers cartoon, which would not be at all funny.
 

Please tell me, in the comments, if you had one power/ability from a myth or fairytale, which one would you want?  No answer is too silly or too out there, go.  

Also, ask your kids/friends/partners. 

Archer's school called at 5:00 AM today to say that they would not be in session. This morning was a blur of shoveling and careful driving and this stomach ache that should not be happening because I took my probiotic and didn't eat any dairy ... crap.  I got a soy chai latte at Starbucks.  Or should I say a "soy" chai latte.  Poisoned by the mermaid ... ain't that a fairytale?

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2/17 '15 35 Comments
I'm pretty big on the flyin' too. Although one of my recurring dreams, especially in childhood but still every so very once in a while, is about being able to fly... and wondering why nobody else notices... and eventually losing control and zipping off into the sky.
I have a very similar one. It's that I can fly and I've been able to fly all along, I just kept forgetting. I never lose control, but I do lose momentum, and have to regain it.
Yes! And flying is really easy, and it seems obvious, and why isn't everybody flying?
Tell you what, tonight I'll meet you guys on the third cloud from the left.
Be right there. Usually I get a running jump on the surface of a swimming pool to start.

Holy crap. Next summer party theme needs to be Recurring Dreams.
I have this same sense of "I've always been able to fly..." in my flying dreams. The difference in mine? I'm not able to control it. I am always indoors and I keep bumping into things like door frames which get in my way. Best way to describe it is the way that Ralph Hinkley flew in the Greatest American Hero (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081871/)
Hahaha ... I loved that show.
You and me both.
Adored that show. Can still sing the theme song.
Believe it or not...

(Now I'm earwormed. I blame you Tom.)
When I was little, one time I sang "Believe it or not Iiiii'm eatin' my snot" and my mom whapped me.

It was totally worth it. That whole exchange still cracks me up.
I had forgotten that little gem. Of course, as I read your comment, I could hear the tonal shifts in your voice re-telling the story.

What? Is that weird?
(Also, I had that song on 45. Was sung by Joe Scabury, if memory serves.)
Nooo!!! I was singing it in the shower this morning after reading these comments. Still earwormed. I blame all of you! ALL OF YOU!!!
I loved that show so much that when I was ten, I repeatedly wrote letters begging them to hire me as a writer, and I sent them a spec script.
Handwritten, of course.
As one does.
Mine is pretty boring. I'd love to be able to fly.
Not boring. Flight is always my first choice ... then I get thinkier and say, "Self, if we could shapeshift into birds, we could fly AND we could mate in free fall with another eagle AND we could run as fast as a cheetah and, and ..."
Lucky.

But that pretty much is my power...
Grow legs? (Jk) . . . Spinning straw into gold comes to mind. Those 7 league boots would also be interesting. . . . What myth does yak killing telekinesis again ? Cause that I want to read up on.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FL4HSiGvk68

There ya go.

Ignore the lame video, it's completely lacking in homoerotic subtext.
I'm not sure because I think all powers would have a down side. I'd have to think about it.
Aha ... if you think of down sides, tell me that too, because down sides make a good story. Not down sides happening to you specifically, that would suck, I mean just in the 'what if' sense.
At the moment, I'm a little drunk and watching infomercials but when I do think of some I'll let you know. (I did think some when I originally posted but, alcohol has given me the dumb so I'm drawing a blank.)
Shapeshifting? Maybe.

Healing Factor? That would be good.

My answer has always been Telekinesis. It would (in my theoretical version also give me the power of flight by moving myself or my clothes with my mind)
How 'bout the power to kill a yak from 200 yards away?
WITH MIND BULLETS?
That's telekinesis, Matt.
How about the power of flight? That do anything for you?
How about the power... to move you?

BOWNOWNUUUUU
I love you people with every molecule of my being.
"Tactile telekinesis"? :)

Healing factor is very in theme for you. I think you already do shapeshift, you just don't tell anyone you're doing it.

Shapeshifting has the added bonus of flight and healing factor, depending on what you shift into ... like those reptiles that can regrow limbs.
True!

Shapeshift? I don't currently do. I DO have an animal related super power though - animal empathy.

In truth, we all have it - some of us just use it more than others.
Got to use my animal empathy today. Made a new friend. I call him Kitsune, but that's not his name.
FWIW: I've seriously thought that I would trade my voice (ie., can't speak, scream, sing, etc), for being able to play music really really well.
A magic mirror that would show me objective reality, so I don't overthink.
This assumes objective reality ... is there such a thing? Or is all "reality" shifted and molded by perceptions a la Heisenberg's uncertainty principle?
 

"Say my name
And every color illuminates
We are shining
And we will never be afraid again."  - Florence and the Machine, Spectrum

On Valentine's Day I went to my favorite coffee house, Seven Stones Cafe, alone to write something meaningful in Houser's card.  I ran into a few friends and sat with them for a while, and ended up having a long conversation with a dear friend who is, at the moment, unhappy with Houser.  Most of the conversation was not about that, but that part of it stayed with me.  Most of the unhappiness was due to a series of misunderstandings - yes, he did this thing, but why he did this thing mattered and is more understandable than why you think he did this thing ... what I ended up saying is, "There are a bunch of misunderstandings and the two of you should talk face to face."

"If we can so misunderstand, well then, why have we invented the
word love in the first place ?" -Edward Albee, The Zoo Story

I started thinking about all of the misunderstandings that happen in relationships, in our relationship in particular, and how what really matters is not the daily grind of disappointments and imperfections, but that I am in love with a truly good man who shows that he loves me and our life together with hundreds of good acts, repeating day by day.

I am in love with a man who does dishes every night, who works to make money in a world that rejected his education and experience (graphic design jobs in Philly dried up about 5 years ago and there has not been much of a resurgence), a man who wants to be more expressive about his emotions because I want and need that, a man who does not hesitate to watch our difficult toddler any time I want to go out with my friends and only asks when I am going to be back so he can plan his evening, not because he doesn't trust me.  I am in love with a man who works on schoolwork with his stepson and shows him music videos with great drummers, who teaches our toddler to put his socks on and to speak to people nicely.  I am in love with the most entertaining man in the room, the person who, when he is telling a story at a party, other people drift out of their conversations to listen.  I am in love with a man who doesn't like being read aloud to, but who will let me read to him sometimes because he knows I need that type of communication very much.  I am in love with a man whose father (they are extremely close) is suffering through cancer and who still manages to be productive and present in our home most of the time. I am in love with a man who has devoted his heart and his life to me and to our family without holding back.  I am in love with a man who loves the most dysfunctional cat on the East Coast.  I am in love with a man who has the most amazing laugh.  I am in love with a man who writes well and fluently, who cares about grammar and punctuation.  I am in love with a man who hates musicals and who will listen to Mandy sing if I ask him.  I don't ask him very often.  I am in love with a man who can live with a moody, annoying woman who has too many ideas and not enough time and who overthinks and talks too much and has a strong streak of perfectionism and is probably almost as bossy as our bossy toddler.  Almost.

This is our love.  This is our life together.

Happy Valentine's Day.

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2/16 '15 10 Comments
Houser is a lucky guy. :)
You just wrote a man with whom everyone could fall in love.
Thanks ... but seriously, the guy hates musicals. Think of my pain!
(Did Houser consider going into web design at some point? Academic now that he's rocking insurance I suppose.)
Yes he did - the coding part of it didn't work with the Houserbrain. Coding meaning javascript, not even serious coding. He just doesn't see the world that way. It's a shame, because he'd make gorgeous layouts.
Huh. We have two full time designers who don't write code.
... One last comment on this: if insurance isn't doing it in six months or so, I'd be glad to talk to him about interviewing with us. OK, I will hush now.
(I should say though, one-man shops are really common and of course those guys have to do it all.)
You have chosen well!
This is beautiful.
 
 

1. He made Honor Roll for the second marking period.

2. He got his first detention.  He was one minute late to Consumer Science Class (Home Ec, basically).  His Mother thought it was a stupid detention, but also emphasized the importance of treating teachers with respect, even when they do things we think are stupid.

3. There's a sound in Sweeney Todd, I call it the "razor scream".  If you've ever seen the show, you know what I'm talking about.  If not, it's in the first three seconds of this video.  It sounds sort of like a human scream, but there's also something mechanical about it, and they play it during the Ballad of Sweeney Todd and also when he slits someone's throat.

Anyway, I have never been able to figure out what is making that sound, not which instrument, but what actual thing in the story.  Last night we were talking about the play and Archer said, "That's the sound of the razors screaming in his head, driving him mad and urging him to kill."

Yep, that's what it is all right.

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2/11 '15 15 Comments
1. Love that kid.

2. Love that kid.

3. Love that kid.

Hmmm... noticing a theme here.
He loves you too.

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I read that as "Home Egomaniacs."
Home Animaniacs.
Home Macroeconomics. Final exam: estimate the number of butterick patterns that will be botched this year in Home Economics classes.
That's a great idea - making the punishment part of the class. Actually it was pretty much his Dad's fault that Archer was late - Archer's boots were at Cora's, Cora didn't want to drop them off at the house so he told Archer to take them to school. Archer's backpack is already really packed with school stuff and they have small lockers, so managing all of the stuff in the locker with the volume of the boots added took Archer longer, hence the lateness. It kills me that I actually saw this coming (not the detention exactly, but a problem w/the stuff management) and asked Cora to bring the boots over when she picked up Archer tonight, but she had him pack them in his backpack anyway ...

Archer is currently doing a unit on manners and the fact that most fascinated him was that 5000 people/year go to the hospital because of injuries due to falling into toilets when people don't put the seat down. It's terrible, but also hilarious.
I completely believe that statistic.

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In another life I would be a history teacher and sneak down to your home ec class (both of you) on cookie day.

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Thank you. We talked about the play a lot, actually - about which characters were most evil and least evil and why, which characters were the sanest, which characters were the craziest, which characters had each of the seven deadly sins (his idea) ... it was a really fascinating conversation. We rarely get the time to sit down and discuss a work of art in depth like that - we're usually too busy with homework, chores, other crap.
yep. That's what I was going to say.