Stick a toothpick in me.

I'm done. 

Hit a home run with Verizon Residential and a bunt to first with Verizon Wireless today. It's been a Verizonny day. 

In a nutshell, Verizon Residential came out (and was on time!) this morning and they confirmed my diagnosis and remedy, because I am awesome.  So yep, turns out the ONT (optical network terminal) wasn't getting power from the outlet, and was only getting power from the BBU (battery backup unit).  The tech was awesome and took one look at our 10-year-old ONT/BBU and immediately said "I gotta replace this shiznit," at which point I said "Whoa whoa whoa, Amigo... the new units don't have battery backups, so you're not allowed to replace it because I have a landline that relies on the battery in the event of a power outage." And he was like, "Holy shitballs, you're right, which is weird because you appear to have both technical skills and boobs."  Yes, I get that a lot. I understand. It's an anomalies in your home and native land of DelCo, where everyone has Rodney Anonymous' accent.  Anyway, he replaced the power supply and didn't charge me anything, and said "I just gotta warn you though... a sales guy is gonna call you and they're gonna try to get you to upgrade your FIOS. Right now you have 256MB Up/Down, which was bleeeeeeeeding-edge speedy 10 years ago, and now we've got Gigabyte Up/Down. So just brace yourself." I asked if I was in any danger if I didn't upgrade... like, was I vulnerable to some nutty exploit, and he said "Nope, none that I can think of. As long as you keep your router firmware up-to-date and don't keep default passwords, you should be OK."  So, yeah. I call that a win for now.

* * * * *

The bunt to first base happened overnight last night when I tweeted to VZWSupport about a problem that has been plaguing our neighborhood and environs since May 2014: We had a freak hailstorm in May of 2014 with baseball-sized hail that got me and my neighbors new roofs/siding/car bodywork/etc.

(see cool photos of hailstones and damage to my house and car: https://www.flickr.com/photos/xtingu/sets/72157645237393142/ )

It also knocked out the Verizon cell tower that serves our area, and since that very afternoon, cell reception for everyone around here has been shittastic... you either have baaaaaarely one teeeeeeny bar of signal or none whatsoever, or you have to go outside to make a call. (This is why I still have a landline.)  Various neighbors have called VZW to complain over the years, and Verizon resolved the individual Incidents (be selling signal boosters to people who complained) but never addressed the Problem of fixing the smashed tower. So after I tweeted VZWSupport last night, they called me today and I was able to explain to the rep that it wasn't just me and Matt experiencing this, but it was over 200 customers in the area, many of whom are switching (or already switched) to Sprint.  She said "Holy crap, we'll get someone out there within 5-7 days!" Which seems like a long time, but we've waited three years, so what's other week?

There's a slightly more locked-down social media site called "NextDoor" which is a neighborhood message board that somehow verifies you actually live in a certain neighborhood before it lets you join. This "Damaged Verizon Cell Tower" has been a very sore point for a looooong time, but I'm suddenly a hero today for telling everyone in our surrounding neighborhoods that this might FINALLY get addressed. I am cautiously optimistic, hence a bunt to first base.  I'll keep y'all posted... I'm sure you're all biting your nails wondering how the cell reception is in North Wilmington, Delaware. 

Other than that...

Music Stuff This Weekend

We've got two gigs this weekend. On Friday (6/23) we're playing this neat town festival called Smyrna At Night. Smyrna, Delaware is a cute town about halfway down our tall skinny state that has a street festival every summer where they close the main drag, have a ton of vendors, food trucks, bands, and stuff all night. We're playing an indoor venue at prime time, from 8-9pm at a place called The Drunk'n Baker, which is a bakery that makes booze-infused treatz.*  Should be fun, even if I won't eat their boozey snax.

The second gig is the next night (Saturday, 6/24), where we're playing in our Billy Joel Tribute Band at World Cafe Live in Philadelphia, on the big stage downstairs. Show starts at 8pm.  I sing lead on a few things, I sing backup on a zillion others, and play tenor and also saxes, and a crap-ton of percussion. It's a blast, and I love playing this music with my friends... it's an 8-piece band and we make a good racket. If you're in or around Philly, come on out if ya want. We'd love an audience. :-D

On Sunday we'll do a belated Fathers Day up at my folks' place in NJ and we'll stay with them for a few days. It'll be nice.

So that's the news. 

Riveting, I know.

Ok, bye. :)

____

* Seven dollahs, get a big bagga treatz!" (Inside joke. Sorry.)​​​​​​

For a while I've thought it might be a little too confusing, the way One Post Wonder separates "following" people from "giving keys" to people. But, I also suspected this was just my ego talking: surely people would use One Post Wonder more if they only understoooood it!

Also, that distinction is hugely important to many of you. The way other social networks... socially engineer... connections you don't really want is something you've asked me to avoid.

So I haven't made any changes in this area in a while.

Today, though, I got feedback from two very smart-but-busy people who had the same confusion: they didn't catch that you have to give out keys if you want your friends to actually be able to read your wonderfully private posts.

So I made what I think is the right change.

When you follow someone, you are already given a chance to give them keys. But it's worded in a very chill way... it's sorta hard to tell if you have actually selected any keys or not... and if you click "Give Keys" without actually clicking any keys, there's no warning.

Accordingly, I added that warning message. And I also went ahead and added a bold-text message explaining bluntly that this ain't Facebook.

I think this will help a lot. Although, even as I look at it, I see a problem: we're referring to those buttons as "keys," and they have lock icons.

[Headslap]

... I'll fix that too. 😂

EDITED TO ADD: even more grease!

That should do it... I hope! 

This is costing me ridiculous amounts of money to post.

Our Verizon FiOS box (the ONT box, not the BBU) died unceremoniously last Wednesday... it is not getting power unless the battery is providing it... however, batteries can only provide power for like 11 hours until they drain. They are not rechargeable. (The power outlet is fine, for you troubleshooting at home.)

This means we have no home phone and we have no wifi, and my main desktop computer has no internet access since it has a hardwired network connection.

This means that in order to get on the internet, we must use our cell phone minutes (which are looooong depleted now).  So using the internet (as I am doing right now) is costing me cell phone overages. I can't imagine VZW waiving these overage charges because Verizon's Residential Service wasn't working. I can't imagine they talk to each other.

The problem is that we had a freak hail storm affect our neighborhood and Arden (across the street) about 3 years ago, and the hail storm knocked out the Verizon cell equipment there... so if you live in our neighborhoods you have baaaaaarely one teeeeny micro-bar of Verizon cell signal here.  It's enough signal to get text messages, but it's not not enough signal to have a pleasant cellphone conversation (hence why I still pay for a landline).  Connecting to the internet via cell is just okaaaaay. 

Anyway, the Verizon tech was supposed to be out here on Saturday between 11 and 3, and never showed. I opened another ticket so we're trying again for tomorrow. Fucker better show. 

Guaranteed I'm gonna need a new ONT (optical network terminal) because I suspect they've been wanting to upgrade it for a while (to charge me for faster service that I do not need). I'm gonna be pissed when it costs $350 to fix what is essentially obsolescence. 

I know I sound like the crazy old idiot who doesn't wanna upgrade from Windows XP, so I will go along with their upgrade. But MAN I don't wanna have to pay for it. But I use the WinXP analogy, I know it's my responsibility.  But I still get to be annoyed about it.

Guy better show up.

This entry has been copied/pasted from xtingu.dreamwidth.org/1034861.html .
I was happy to see that rone replied there.

--------------

Wow, I've been writing a lot. I take this as a good sign, and maybe the first sign that maybe my hermitty ways may be ever-so-slightly starting to lift. 

I wanted to jot some things down so I don't forget them, in no particular order.

1) My company, Knapp I.T., Inc. is celebrating its 10 year anniversary this year. Coincidentally, my brother's company, Jephens Tech is celebrating 20 years this year. I feel like we should get the employees of Boutell.com and Moskowitz-Inc and go spend some pre-tax dollars on an employee appreciation dinner. :-)

2) If my company is 10 years old, that means I've been living in my house for 10 years come this November. Jeeeezus. So much for only moving to Delaware for six months until I figured out where I wanted to wind up. :-)

3) Matt and I have tickets to a Phillies game tomorrow. The weather should be perfect. This will be my first time at the "new" stadium. 

4) Our home wifi dies once a week or so, and one of us has to go reset the router in the basement when that happens. So this afternoon the wifi died, but it turns out my entire FiOS box is dead dead dead... it's not getting power at all. The outlet works, and the battery backup seems to be charging, but no power is getting to the main unit. Not sure what's happening, but the nice Verizon man will come out on Saturday to fix it. Until then, we have no land line, and only Internet on our phones. Hmmmm. Suboptimal. 

5) This past Friday we went to Hummingbird to Mars, which is a cute speakeasy sorta place in Wilmington. It's not as swanky as Please Don't Tell in NYC or the Franklin Mortgage and Investment in Philly, but it's fine for Wilmington. We went with our pal Brian and also with Kevin and Lee. We all agreed it was very civilized. And no matter how foo-foo and well-prepared a cocktail is, I just don't give a crap about drinking. Gimme a ginger ale and I'm happy. 

5a) I went for a quick check-up (more like a check-in) with my regular doctor and he asked me the usual questions. When he asked if I drank, I said no. "Not at all?" "Nope." "Not even a glass of wine?" "Maybe once a year..." "Wow, OK." I found his surprise amusing. :) Anyway, he gave me crap about not having a gone for a recent mammogram or a DEXA bone density scan, so imma go do those, along with my big annual bloodwork and anemia labs.

6) Last week our pal Noelle was releasing her new EP at the Wilmington Art Loop, so we went to grab a copy and to see the gorgeous photo exhibit of images by Joe del Tufo that accompanied the album. We then went to the DCCA to see Lauren at her art studio and seeing all of her paintings made me itchy to paint again. So I started a new piece soon to be called "Hello, Pinball." I love it so far... really proud of it, but the hardest part (the lettering) hasn't begun yet. I can't decide what color to make the letters yet. Hmmmm.

7) Tonight while I was painting, I saw the BIGGEST FUCKING ANT I have ever seen in my life, and I ran screaming as if I were getting axed in the face. Matt saved the day with a slipper... and it took me 10 minutes for my heart to stop leaping out of my chest. I love bugs, spiders, beetles... but ants? NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE. Little ants? If there's only one or two, I'm ok... but if there's a line, or wosre, a pile? AAAAAIIIGGHH!! And big ants (like carpenter ants)? FUCK THAT GET A BAT. This ant that I saw was waaaay bigger than a standard-issue carpenter ant. I don't know what the hell kind of radioactive mutant ant it was, but if I had to guess, it was probably called a OH MY GOD GET IT AWAY FROM ME KILL IT WITH FIRE ant. 

8) When my company was born all those years ago, one of the first things I did was hire an accountant/bookkeeper. Her name is Carol, and I honestly couldn't run my business without her. She's funny, she's brilliant, she talks to me like I'm six, she fixes my QuickBooks stupidity, she handles forms and files my taxes and just takes care of everything and keeps me out of jail. I love her. Welp, she used to be a one-person business, and then she got bought out by a bigger firm, and now that firm is focusing on wealth-management clients and getting rid of their accounting/bookkeeping clients. I am heartbroken. I mean, I totally understand of course. So we're trying to tie up as many loose ends by the end of the month as possible, because she officially goes away on June 30th. It is daunting trying to find a bookkeeper, an accountant, and someone who can run my payroll under one roof, so I figure I'll go back to using Paychex for my payroll at least. No idea about the bookkeeper/accountant yet. Gotta move on that soon, though. 

9) Last but not least: I need to see my folks; it's been too long, and I miss them. I have to figure out a Fathers Day Plan. I'm gonna call my folks tomorrow and see what they're thinkin'. 

Allrighty-- that's all the news that's fit for bloggin'.

As promised, you can now leave One Post Wonder permanently without asking for my assistance.

To access it, one clicks "Me," then "Account," then scrolls down a wee bit to the bright red words "delete my account."

I hate it when "delete my account" is hidden or absent. Had anyone actually asked for it, I would certainly have added it sooner.

I also dislike when the process contains unnecessary roadblocks. So my first take on it did not have a "confirm your password" prompt.

However, when I took a good look at the result, I realized that an unintentional, cat-powered or mean-jerk-powered account deletion was a real possibility, and that people do tend to value a journal they've been posting to for years.

So at some cost in convenience, I decided the password confirmation prompt was a good idea overall.

It's most annoying, of course, if you've forgotten your password. So the "hmm, sorry, that's not right" message also includes a suggestion to try the password reset feature if you're stumped.

I think this is a good implementation of a feature I hope will be rarely needed.

My next goal is a decent export feature, something that produces static HTML pages that a user of typical technical skill can figure out a way to enjoy.

• Dear OPW Lazyweb: I accidentally clicked the "Hey! I don't wanna receive these anymore!" link in the automated OPW digest email. How can I turn that back on?

Also:

• Matt Casarino started an OPW post on 5/30 but just made it public yesterday because he just finished it. So, if you're interested in reading his brain-pickinz, go scroll back a week. (or, click here.)

Also:

• I watched some of the Comey testimony today. I love Comey so much and wish he was my neighbor and I want to bring him chicken cutlets and a lasagna. He just seems like a genuinely GOOD person.  John McCain, whom I respect, sadly seemed doddering and confused and like he was genuinely struggling to make sense. It made me sad. 

• In other news, come to the Bellefonte Cafe (804 Brandywine Blvd, Wilmington) on July 1st from 8-10pm for our annual Hot Breakfast Summer Concert of Happiness. Good food, no cover charge, all that. 

• Lastly, please send good vibes to the Moskosteins... JD is not doing well (he's a very old boy) and they all need some good juju. 

We're not able to attend M&M's brightly-colored wedding, for we have a previous commitment involving a 50-year anniversary and people who want us to make music at it.

I am very sad to be missing an opportunity to be with my beloved PhilaDels all at once, but alas, neither event was ours to reschedule. 

I am hoping photos will be taken, and I am hoping that those photos will be viewable someplace other than Facebook... but I figure that latter-bit is a bit much to ask for. 

In other news, Matt and I did some of the Wilmington Art Loop this evening, and after we got home we listened to Noelle Picara's brand-new EP which she just released today (I dug it) and then I felt the need to paint. Being around so many artists made me wanna paint. So right now I'm working on "HELLO, PINBALL."   Painting a circle freehand is a bitch... it keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger as I try to even it out.  I didn't wanna trace a plate or use a compass, so, this is what I get.

It's 5:54am and time for beddy-bye.

Xo

Moxi Roller Skates launched a challenge, posted yesterday evening on their Instagram.  It is the #MoxiSummerofSkate challenge and to win you must post a video or photograph of you skating every day for 90 days.

Want to win a pair of #moxirollerskates ?!?! Join our #moxisummerofskate contest! Skate every day for 90 days this summer and we will award 2 lucky winners a pair of Moxi Lolly #rollerskates each

To participate, you do not have to already own a pair of Moxi Roller Skates. This contest is for those trying to win some! 
To win, post a photo or video of yourself roller skating every single day for 90 days! Tag us and use hashtag #moxisummerofskate and on the last day of August we will announce the winners. Good luck and happy June 1st! Our first day of the contest! Need some motivation? Check out @_legs_ progress! She couldn't wait til we started so she got a jump on it a couple of weeks ago and is doing her own 100 days on her story.

I saw it late yesterday and hadn't quite realized their last day would be exactly 90 days and I started today. It's no matter, I love skating and I'm on my skates every day anyway.  What better way to use my rusty editing skills than some fun skate videos?

I don't do as many tricks, as I'm focused on more dance skating and I like to solo skate a lot, with my music in, but today was a hard day.  I have contractors at my house - the amount of imbedded sexism I faced today felt insurmountable, but of course it wasn't.  Still.  Strugging against that is exhausting.  You may win, or better, shift things a few degrees with the hope that those small inches change the trajectory, but it really takes it out of a body and a measure of soul too. 

It was great to lay that aside, and move around on my feet a bit.  Not pictured in the video is that there's a new threshold going out the door and I'd forgotten that and gave my body a good wrenching. Thank goodness for judo, I must say.

It's been a great small evening, spent luxuriating in the bath and cruising the hashtag for skate videos all around the world.  

I'd have more to say but all my words had to be used up as hammers today. There are times when skating has to be what it is, and maybe my video below will explain a little better, for those who don't skate.

There are very few phrases more reviled, and defended, than "trigger warning."

And without making it a thing (because that's not what this post is about), I see both sides of the argument. Yes, most of us did survive not only years of higher learning but decades of internet-plundering-and-discovery without the need to be "warned" that a piece of reading or information might "trigger" us to recall, or even relive, a past trauma. And trying to predict what those triggers might be is a terribly daunting task; ya never know, in other words, what might set somebody off. But for Jared Leto's sake, what is the harm of warning somebody that material potentially perilous for those who have suffered trauma or even PTSD lies ahead? Sure, we didn't do this in the past, but we also wore wool in the summer and enslaved people in the past*. What is the harm of briefly warning readers that the following material discusses subjects that some might find disturbing on a personal level?

So that's my position - I won't judge anyone for using trigger warnings, and I won't judge if you don't. But again, that's not really what this post is about. It's about my recent experience being "triggered," and what it says about my specific anxiety issues.

I've written about anxiety and panic a few times on OPW, and I'm grateful for the opportunity. It's a tricky subject for me - I love having a semi-public outlet in which to share some of my experiences with panic attacks, but I'm painfully aware "anxiety" is becoming, to many, one of those buzzwords that, like "chronic lyme," "chronic fatigue," and "fibromylagia," causes certain eyes to roll. After all, there's no test for anxiety, and like "chronic lyme," anxiety produces no antibodies; when someone says they have debilitating anxiety, we pretty much have to take them at their word. Lately I'm becoming hyperaware that, while few people doubt anxiety attacks exist, some are starting to think it's one of those too-easy diagnoses people give themselves to explain, or allow, the little breakdowns that come when life is a bit overwhelming. And geez, who among us hasn't been overwhelmed?

(NOTE: I embedded a video from SNL above. But it might not show up on a mobile phone - if not, click here.)

Funny bit, yes? I laughed at a lot of it - even the barely audible sigh of contempt from the narrator as he claims the high-maintenance girl "quote has...anxiety." Yep, I laughed - right through the pit in my stomach. 

I know it happens. I know some people raise their eyebrows at the idea that "anxiety" is really anything more than the feeling they get before a test, or a job interview, or taking a tricky pool shot with $5 on the line. To them, it's a 21st-century excuse, a make-believe affliction. "We all have anxiety sometimes," they say. "Some of us just know how to deal with it."

Or that's what they wanna say, anyway.

Look, I get it. I do. If I didn't know first-hand what it feels like when your fight-or-flight mechanism goes on overload, how it compromises my hearing and balance, how my muscles shake uncontrollably while a very strange kind of fear grips my throat, how my heart rate increases and, more alarming, feels like my heart is pushing against my ribcage, how tears stream down my cheeks like they need to escape my eyes - and how all of that happens while I remain aware (on some level) that I'm actually fine, nothing is wrong, no one is trying to hurt me - maybe I'd suspect sufferers of anxiety are making mountains out of molehills, or wanting the kind of attention that comes with affliction. There have been a few instances (see: above buzzwords) when I've thought specific people were (are), at best, mistaking - perhaps deliberately - their conversion disorder or muscle pain for an invasive disease. 

But, of course, this attitude doesn't help. As a good friend told me recently, "keeping it to yourself because you're afraid of the eye-rolls behind your back is a great path to depression and agoraphobia." So that's partially why you're lucky enough to be reading this post. :) Because I suspect all of the above factors into why I was triggered into a pretty severe bout of anxiety while in the safest place I know from the description of a years-old online video: 

Reporter Discusses How an On-Air Panic Attack Improved His Life

I didn't see the video. Heck, I didn't even see the headline: Jill did, and she thought it was an important video for her to watch. She asked me if I wanted to, and I declined - I figured I might find it upsetting. 

What I didn't realize is I was already upset. And my attack had already started the moment she read those words aloud.

The idea of the guy having a public attack while simply doing his job was my trigger. I only heard a few words from the video - the anchor (not the reporter) was simply introducing the story - when I realized I was in trouble. I told Jill I would put on headphones so I couldn't hear the story. But Jill put her own headphones on instead - for about three seconds, when she looked at me and realized I was on my way. And even though she did everything right, I was in for a remarkably extended attack, complete with an eye-of-the-hurricane break in the middle, which I foolishly interpreted as a welcome ending. It was intense and exhausting enough that we had to cancel our social plans that evening - plans that actually included hanging out with our friend who said the wise words above.

So what did I learn from this? Well, for one, this highlighted something I knew but couldn't really articulate: "triggers" are more than the various words, entities, locations, and situations that tend to get the fight-or-flight instinct churning. They can be ideas, concepts that suggest my issues go beyond my general phobias (which include being stuck in a big, chaotic crowd and getting trapped with a tight shirt halfway over my head) and into darker fears about public humiliation that I can maybe focus on a little harder. Because even though Jill tells me the reporter's panic attack wasn't graphic - he recognized he was in the very early stages when he smiled and simply ended his segment early - the thought of going through something similar, of being exposed while working in front of an audience, is nightmarish in a way I can't really express. (Even writing that sentence churned up the anxiety machine. I had to step away. It's now many hours later.)

So am I suggesting triggers are...good? In a way, yes. They hold secrets. Before that night, I thought my triggers were based in the locations where I had the worst attacks - grocery stores, the Verizon place (something about rows and rows of product), crowds in which I'm adrift. But now I know that there's a certain primal fear that can send my adrenal medulla into interstellar overdrive. And while knowing is decidedly less than half the battle, it's an important step. For me, anyway. 
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

This has been another eposide of Matt's Brain is an Asshole. Stay tuned for many, many more episodes. If you'd like to contribute to my Patreon, hold that thought until I create a Patreon. 

* We haven't actually stopped enslaving people, but that's One Post for another day.