Three and a half weeks out from surgery, and I feel a little like I'm waking up from a coma (again? do I use this description a lot?). It's been nice to read up on OPW after a long day of washing my bedsheets. Yeah, it took all day. Still gotta stop and lay flat down quite a bit.

Now if only I could reach my legs to shave them. There is nothing like freshly shaved legs on freshly laundered sheets. Amirite, girls? Girls who shave?

I'm off the percocet which means my mobility is a little more limited now, and that means a lot more time on my back than even the week before, but it's worth it to be able to kiss that medication and it's side effects goodbye. I was on pretty heavy doses this time, so I'm still sweating like a fat man. And the insomnia is pretty full-on without the help of Benadryl. We're all (middle-age-ish) grownups here so I CAN say how nice it is to be able to poop again. The mood swings can go fuck right off, though. It's only been a week, but that's by far the worst part.

I do want to say that if you're hearing less from me, its usually (not always, but for right now, yes) a sign that things are pretty decent. *Sigh* even good, though I feel like I jinx myself when I say that. I am unfortunately one of those journalers who usually only writes when something bad is going down. It's a good release for bouts of depression, but I forget to come back and here and let folks know my life is more than just these journal entries.

So, let's see. I have a good thing going with a great guy, and we are already doing that thing where we have so much fun together we end up just not ending the date. Let's go do nothing together, it's amazing. These things don't come along every day, so I'm thoroughly enjoying it and hoping the newness feeling stretches out for a good long time. I feel like a lucky girl. :)

What else. Well, I am 3.5 weeks out of surgery, which means I'm 2.5 weeks closer to taking the back brace off. And driving. And maybe doing some light, light, liiiiiight gardening. (How does one garden without bending/lifting/twisting? I shall find out.) That time went by a lot faster than I was expecting. I expect the next 2.5 weeks to go pretty nicely too. Still too soon to know if the surgery worked, so I can't answer that, but I look forward to Spring yard stuff to distract me until I do.

I learned that laughing really does drop pain levels. This has caused me to ask everyone around me for their favorite jokes. There are too many to repeat here, but here are two favorites:

Q: "What is brown and sticky?"

A: "A stick".  (This one makes me laugh before I can even finish it, because I'm a dork for stupid jokes like this. I just made you think of poop!)

Q: "What is the difference between pink and purple?"

A: "The grip." (Buwahahahah, naughty. Thank you Roger and Harold.)

The best was Roger's 80-year-old mother telling me a joke that involved her saying the word "testicles" several times:

A man is lying in bed in a hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears to sponge his face and hands.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your face and hands."

He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?"

Again the nurse replies, "I can't tell. I'm only here to wash your face and hands."

The ward nurse passes by and sees the man getting a little distraught so she marches over to inquire what is wrong.

"Nurse," he mumbles, "Are my testicles black?"

Being a nurse she is undaunted. She whips back the bedclothes, pulls down his pajama trousers, moves his penis out of the way, has a good look, pulls up the pajamas, replaces the bedclothes and announces, "Nothing is wrong with them."

At this the man pulls off his oxygen mask and asks again,

"Are my test results back?"

I will never forget my shock and joy at hearing the words "Are my testicles black?" come from her mouth. Ha! That made my back feel better for a good while!

Anyway, where was I. So, yes, nice to come back to earth and catch up with you guys. Thanks for the lovely prose. <3


Much love,

Your Biggest Fan,

Karen


p.s. - I'm forgetting myself and commenting on old posts. Oops!

MORE
Moar later, but for now:

(This joke is best when told by a small child.)

Child: "How do you catch a unique bird?"

Listener: "I don't know - how?"

Child: "Unique up on it!"

Child (again): "How do you catch a TAME bird?"

Listener: "I don't know - how?"

Child: "The TAME way - UNIQUE up on it!"

Thank you. Thank you. I won't be here all week.

(Glad you're on the mend.)
Thank you! This is just the kind of ridiculous joke I like to tell grown-ups. :) The more tough-guy they are, the better.
Karen 4/1 '18
Also, I have to agree - when I shave my legs and have fresh, clean sheets...
Pics or GTFO.
Karen 4/3 '18
I forgot about this joke. I've heard it as a tame/unique rabbit. Love it.
That works!
I can't wait to tell my mom the hospital joke.

My grandmother told me this one.
Two little old ladies (LOLs) run into each other at the supermarket. One LOL says to the other, "Ethel, you've got a suppository in your ear."
The other LOL says, "What?"
The first LOL says, "You have a suppository in your ear!"
"Speak up, I can't hear you!"
(this part of the joke goes on for as long as is necessary)
Finally, the second LOL sighs and says, "Oh. Now I know where my hearing aid is."
lol!
This is the perfect kind of response joke for Roger's mother. Thank you.
Karen 4/3 '18
And yes, freshly shaved legs on clean sheets is wonderful.
I'm deciding between breaking out a brand new razor the day the brace comes off, or trying for a semi-romantic teach-the-bf-how-to-do-it moment in the bath. I keep thinking of the shins, though. Ouch ouch ouch.
Karen 4/3 '18
"now I know where my hearing aid is. Speak up!"
As soon as you said it.
I want a game where you guess the joke by the punchline.
Karen 4/3 '18