I've been sad today. Finding everything stressful. 

Our 25-year-old car finally needs a repair that costs more than it's worth. We can afford to replace it, but it also does not feel worth the cost. We had not planned to replace it, knowing it was going to be beyond repair sooner or later. We really only use it to drive to my parents' (and then when it's only us, my sister and her family) and for heavy errands. But pandemic--and going to the grocery once a month or less--has made all errands heavy.

It seemed more cost effective to take cabs or Lyft back from the store or do carshare or rentals for the holiday trips to my parents. But cabs are a no-go right now and the pandemic has already caused a major decline in train service to my parents' house from the city.

And this is all making me cry constantly, which is ridiculous. And so over the top. Seriously. We're fine without a car. We're fine if we decide to buy one. We're fine. We're so much more fine than hundreds of thousands of families.

I am just exhuasted. And sad.

I did not see it coming, but the pandemic has forced me to learn how to use Instagram. I was already using it--posting pictures, tagging people, following people, liking things. But the stories? The messaging? The hows of all the ways you're supposed to use it were non-intuitive to me. Even off-putting. You know, in the making me feel Old and like technology is a demon, hey you kids get off my lawn way.

I'm not enchanted. And I'm still not making my own stories. but at least I know how to communicate with people there. And it's good because I miss people.

I haven't donated blood since February. I stopped because my doctor told me because of some iron deficiency issues. I'd always just sort of dealt with it through supplements, but she wanted me to stop, or at least only go half as often. Then COVID, i haven't donated in almost a year, which is the longest I've gone in a long time.

I feel guilty about it. Donating blood has always been such an easy thing for me. My office is right next door to a hospital which is always having a blood drive. If I remember to drink enough water, I fill the bag very quickly. My veins are uncooperative, but the folks at the Red Cross where I donate are very good at getting the needle in easily. I had even managed to work out my supplements and diet that I was only getting rejected for iron every couple of tries, instead of every other try. I was generally managing four donations or more a year.

I did it because it was so easy for me and because it's meaningful to the community. High impact, low effort. It always made me laugh as a vaguely gruesome application of my basic maxim: that our duty in society is to share our excess (time, talent, resources) with others.

I expect I'll start again, post-pandemic. But in the post-commute world, I wonder how frictionless it will be.

1990: Soda Stereo - Canción Animal
1991: Sting - The Soul Cages
1992: Juan Luis Guerra 4.40 - Areíto
1993: David Bowie - Black Tie White Noise
1994: Soundgarden - Superunknown
1995: Garbage - Garbage
1996: Soundgarden - Down on the Upside
1997: Depeche Mode - Ultra
1998: Garbage - Version 2.0
1999: Lakuna - Castle of Crime

2000: P J Harvey - Stories From the City, Stories From the Sea
2001: Tool - Lateralus
2002: dredg - El Cielo
2003: Throwing Muses - Throwing Muses
2004: Vernon Reid & Masque - Known Unknown
2005: Sleater-Kinney - The Woods
2006: Tool - 10,000 Days
2007: Battles - Mirrored
2008: My Brightest Diamond - A Thousand Shark's Teeth
2009: Them Crooked Vultures - Them Crooked Vultures

2010: AfroCubism - AfroCubism
2011: Yo-Yo Ma, Stuart Duncan, Edgar Meyer, Chris Thile - The Goat Rodeo Sessions
2012: Andrew Bird - Break It Yourself
2013: The Joy Formidable - Wolf's Law
2014: Snarky Puppy - We Like It Here
2015: Kathryn Calder - Kathryn Calder
2016: Garbage - Strange Little Birds
2017: St. Vincent - MASSEDUCTION
2018: The Joy Formidable - Aaarth
2019: Andrew Bird - My Finest Work Yet

2020 wrapup coming next.

So i've decided to do an Album of the Year contest among all i own.  No EPs or singles, no compilations, live albums OK.  Pickings are slim until the mid-80s.  Unsurprisingly, some years have a winner that may not be a favorite, but it's the best of the bunch.  Other years have 2 or 3 massive albums so choosing one is tough.

1956: Duke Ellington and His Orchestra - Ellington at Newport 1956 (Complete)
1957: Duke Ellington and His Orchestra - Such Sweet Thunder
1958: Duke Ellington and His Orchestra - Black, Brown and Beige
1959: Miles Davis - Kind of Blue

1962: Duke Ellington, Charlie Mingus, Max Roach - Money Jungle
1963: Lee Morgan - The Sidewinder
1964: John Coltrane - A Love Supreme

1966: Duke Ellington and His Orchestra - The Far East Suite
1967: The Jimi Hendrix Experience - Are You Experienced

1969: Leo Kottke - 6- and 12-String Guitar

1970: Santana - Abraxas
1971: Led Zeppelin - [untitled]
1972: Duke Ellington and His Orchestra - Latin American Suite
1973: Pink Floyd - Dark Side of the Moon
1974: King Crimson - Red
1975: Led Zeppelin - Physical Graffiti
1976: Jean Michel Jarre - Oxygène
1977: Pink Floyd - Animals
1978: Jean Michel Jarre - Équinoxe
1979: The Police - Reggatta de Blanc

1980: Talking Heads - Remain in Light
1981: King Crimson - Discipline
1982: Andy Summers & Robert Fripp - I Advance Masked
1983: The Police - Synchronicity
1984: Hüsker Dü - Zen Arcade
1985: Soda Stereo - Nada Personal
1986: Peter Gabriel - So
1987: Depeche Mode - Music for the Masses
1988: Living Colour - Vivid
1989: Pixies - Doolittle

Ok, I haven't been building so much as striping out the stuff if came with and making plans. Today the inside looks like this.

What's in the box? I'll get to that...next post. It's also a pretty good kiddo playhouse. (no rearview mirrors were harmed in taking of the photo)

And good for transporting Christmas Trees.

When last I wrote, I was just starting to remove the wall panels. Well since then, I've removed pretty much everything. Some lovely folks drove up from south of DC and took the shelves and bulkhead, and left me a little cash for them. I ripped out the floor. Well, mostly, the floor mat was riveted(?) grommetted(?) to the metal floor in 5 places. I had to use a razor blade knife to cut it out. There are still tufts of matting at the grommet points. It was not a fun task, but its (mostly) done now.

And I finially figured out how to get the rear sill plate off. First challenge was figuring out what it was called so I could google it. I kinda like the sill plate, and probably will be reinstalling it, so I wanted to remove it gentlely. Turns out, you have to pry off 5 little covers and then unbolt these 5 little hex screws. With a 6mm ratchet of all things. Everything else has been 7/16" or 1/2" nuts. Go figure. Fortunately, I've had many years of acquiring tools, so I had a 6mm ratchet. Yay, me.

There is just a little smattering of rust. I will rustoleum that shortly. Still thinking what to do with the several holes in the floor. Patch them? Plug them (with what??)? Leave them? 

I spend time watching youtube and reading blogs on RVing. Also reading FB groups, but that's less enlightening. I'm in a FB van life build group where every f'ing day someone new posts "What van should I buy?" And there are a bunch of people who just want to snark. I figure I'll be leaving that group soon. Still sticking around for the electrical advice - for now. I'm in ANOTHER FB group for female transit vanlifers. And that group is lovely. Everyone is very helpful and supportive. 

Anywhooo, electrical. I've figure out my shore power approach. It's this, complete with link of power plug to buy: 

Thank you random youtube guy. I like not drilling a hole in my van side!

I ordered a MaxxAir vent fan. Should be here around New Years. Then I'll have to cut a 14" x14" hole in my roof. RV store never called me back, so I have to figure out another option for installation. I'm sure I know someone around here who know someone who knows what they are doing with respect to autobody mods.

I'm still unclear how I will power the vent fan. Thinking it through. Obviously I'm gonna need a battery of some sort. That can charge while I drive or from shore power (and maybe someday from solar). I'll get there, but I have time.

PS: I also made a library with all my van photos. Some of which are copied into my posts, lots of which are not. 

Making goodies for a local friends holiday treat swap; my choice is usually fudge. (Real fudge, the boiled sugar kind.) The ingredients are cheap, it doesn't require making a lot of dirty dishes or heating up the oven. There's almost infinite variety of flavours. You can scale the recipe up and down trivially. And people frigging love it. 

What's new this time is that we don't have a cooktop. (I may have mentioned this before.) Not even a hot plate. What we do have is an Instant Pot. Turns out the IP's sauté function turns the thing into a versatile stovetop pot simulant. There are three temperature settings more or less corresponding to low, medium and high heat on a modest burner. The pot insert is heavy so even with the bang-bang thermostatic control, there's good thermal inertia for the ingredients. Anyway, so, yeah, making fudge with an IP. It's a thing.

First batch was a buttercream. 3c sugar, 1 cup 10% cream, 1/2c butterscotch ice cream, 1tbs butter, pinch of salt. 

Second batch was a lactose-free maple. 3c sugar, 1/4c dark-ass maple syrup, 1c almond milk, 1tbs butter, tsp corn syrup, 1/2tsp maple flavour, pinch of salt.

Tonight I'll be making chocolate, which will probably be something like 2c sugar, 1c semisweet chocolate chips, 1/4 cocoa, 1c cream, and a pinch of salt, toss in some vanilla once it's cooled.

And tomorrow it'll be Saskatoonberry cream, most likely 2.5c sugar, 1c Saskberry jam blended with 1c cream, and a pinch of salt.

How I fudge with an Instant Pot:

• Put the stuff that needs cooked in the insert, stir it up, and set sauté program on low until it starts to bubble, stirring occasionally.
• Stir a bit, scrape down the sides, then set sauté program to medium.
• Get your candy thermometer out and watch it like a hawk until you reach 234F then immediately turn off the IP.
• Remove the insert and put it on a trivet to cool, somewhere it will absolutely not be fucked with in any way.
• Wait about an hour, during which time you prepare your fudge receiving tray. I use a large springform pan with the removable bottom wrapped in clingfilm, strapped in tight. A little oil on the sides to help.
• Get your rubber spatula, toss in any adjuncts that don't want boiled or melted, then pick up the insert and tilt it and start beating the crap out of the fudge mixture.
• After about 2-3 minutes (may be more, may be less) it will get harder to stir and that's not just your arm, because you can see the shiny surface of the sugar is starting to look a little bit dull here and there.
• Immediately pour it all into the tray, scraping out everything.
• Let the tray cool for a couple hours until it fully sets, then if you are me you can pop open the springform and gently peel the plastic off a pizza-sized circle of fudge. Divide and place into a reasonably airtight container.
• Fudge tastes better the next day.

Scraping out the bits from the instant pot is cook's privilege, though of course you can assign the chore to anyone you'd like to have a sugar rush.

More than 40 million people in this country are facing eviction when the CDC moratorium expires at the end of this month. That’s roughly 12% of the entire population. In winter. In a pandemic.

That does not include the defaults and foreclosures on homes.

I "sat in a meeting" today about the re-opening of our eviction and foreclosure courts. Talking about details of court operations, intended to protect the rights of people defending eviction and foreclosure actions. That's well and good. We need to fix court operations to secure those rights.

But right now, we need to forbid eviction and foreclosure. Because our government did not gve people money, did not give restaurants & bars & local shops money to pay employees who could not safely work at businesees people could not safely patronize. Because our government did not cancel rent, cancel mortgages, people will be homeless, in winter, in a pandemic. 

This is the most immoral of nations.

In Chicago, 19 deaths and 1,757 confirmed cases were reported since Thursday. The city is seeing an average of 14 deaths per day, down from an average of 18 people dying per day the week prior. An average of 1,339 confirmed cases are being reported per day, a 31 percent decrease from the prior week. But testing has also fallen 31 percent in the past week.

I'm starting to hear from more friends with COVID or with COVID in their immediate families. We haven't left the house since before Thanksgiving (except a couple masked walks in the park), but my parents each leave a couple times a week; and my sister is in a pod with another only-child familiy. I am starting to have moments of pure terror on a regular basis.

But I've mostly finished my Christmas shopping. That's odd. I have to mail some cookies around.