Life goes on. Everything continues.
10/25 '16
Haven't blogged in eons. Life has been whizzing by.
Matt's super-active, fashion-plate, socialite grandmom (age 95) was diagnosed with aggressive stomach cancer about 3 months ago, and it's shocking how quickly she went from vibrant and happy to a shell of a human, just withered and weak. We all rotated vigil and visited pretty much daily, keeping her company, playing cards, BSing, and keeping her spirits up until she no longer had the energy. About three weeks ago she seemed to stop fighting, and she left us on Monday (exactly one week ago). We had the wake yesterday (Sunday) and today we buried her. I will miss her very much; we had brunch together nearly every Sunday since Matt and I got together, and I will never forget how she accepted me into the family without question. In her final weeks I painted her nails so she felt a little more human. She told me she didn't like my new hair color, which made me happy she'd tell me. :-) I loved her very much, and it's hard to believe she's gone. Her ex-boyfriend-turned-dear-friend Harry will also be missed, as I imagine I won't see him around any longer. I'm not lying or exaggerating when I say I have a pretty good crush on Harry, all 89 years of him.
Music-wise:
Played in two Eagles tribute shows (the band, not the team) a few weeks ago, which were fun but bittersweet since it was In The Light's first tribute since losing Christian (our bass player) so suddenly in the accident this summer.
Played in a huge tribute to the 80s this past Saturday at The Queen as a fund raiser for City Theater. I sang a few songs but was so, so pround to be in the band. I sang backing vocals on every song, and got a Roland Handsonic electronic drum kit and programmed and played the crap out of it (or played actual hand percussion) for almost every song... even played some sax. That band was a true Dream Team of every instrumentalist I idolize, and it was an honor to be the weak link on that stage.
Between Grandmom support and the tribute shows, Hot Breakfast has taken a bit of a back seat which happens from time to time but I don't like. Now that our obligations are over for a bit, we are focusing on getting our Christmas EP recorded and released in time for our December 17th Very Dorky Christmas Show at The Queen. We plan on turning the upstairs stage into a cheezy living room (complete with fake fireplace and couch and front door), and our Narrator will tell the audience how Hot Breakfast just doesn't have the Christmas spirit this year... as random musicians "stop by and knock on our door" and cheer us up by playing a song or two. It should be a really fun night and a cute homage to silly late-70s variety shows. (If only we could get Charo.)
Anyway, we buried Grandmom today, and after the repast we all went home for naps, and the core Casarinos got together for pizza. Betsy's sister and brother and their spouses came to town from Connecticut and California respectively, so it was nice to talk to them. We got on the topic of "Have you ever had a relative or friend visit you after they died" and that led us to talking about Edgar Cayce which led me to now have three Edgar Cayce books on my nightstand. I love my second family so, so, so much.
Right now I'm laying in bed as Matt is playing guitar in the other room. There is nothing I love more than hearing the sounds of Matt's creativity echo through the house; the music he writes resonates with me so deeply and so perfectly, and I can't believe how lucky I am. I feel very loved and so warm and snuggly.
We'll be at my folks' place for a week starting this weekend... my dad is going to Asheville, NC to visit his sister, and my mom can't really be left home alone, so Matt and I are going to keep her company. We're bringing up some recording equipment so maybe I'll be able to lay down some lead vocals on the Christmas EP this week while Mom snoozes. (Mom likes to snooze. Luckily the back room where Matt and I stay is clear on the other side of the house.)
I'm sorry I haven't been very present online... I have been reading LJ and OPW but just not having the energy to respond. Caring for Matt's grandmom every day plus work travel and rehearsals was taking every brain cycle and every ounce of nurturing energy I had... and ultimately I ran out of juice.
(Speaking of which, it's probably time for an iron infusion soon. I should get my labwork done.)
Life has been insane, but as of right now, it is finally calm. It is bittersweet, this calm... but as always, life goes on. Everything continues. The leaves are changing color and starting to fall, and soon we'll nestle in for the winter, and with any luck will put the house up for sale this spring.
More soon.
Re the Christmas show, have you seen the bill Murray Christmas special?
I haven't heard of this Bill Murray Christmas Special, but I love me some Bill Murray so I'll start digging around! Thanks for the tip!
These days, I am so All Done losing people I love. Maybe sometime I'll be lucky enough to have one of them visit me.
I thought 2015 was shit, but 2016 is the Year Of Everyone Dying, and other than Grandmom, the deaths in my sphere have been freak accidents and random "o hai, ur ded now, thx."
I AM OVER IT. Which is to say, I am not over it.
I lost all of my grandparents by 1991... but Grandmom was Matt's grandmom... but she took me right in and made me feel so welcome, and it was so wonderful having a grandmother again.
<3
Thinking of you with lots of love.
My dad has been wanting to visit his only sister (Aunt Judy) who lives in Asheville NC for a while, but he can't leave Mom alone because she can't care for herself. (Sadly, it's because she's too heavy and out of shape -- which translates to she's in too much pain and too out of breath to care for herself. That's the bottom line.) So I offered to my dad that we would come up and be with Mom while he visits Aunt Judy. (Honestly, I would have loved to go with him to see Aunt Judy, but my brother and sister-in-law are simply too busy to care for Mom.)
I'm an idiot. I just realized that I have about 47 half-written LJ entries explaining the Mom Health Sitch... but I have not posted any of them, so it's no wonder why people seem puzzled re: Mom.
In a nutshell, a few months ago Mom was given a year to live. We later learned that it's "You have a year to live if you don't take better care of yourself," which means we all have to step up to take care of her because she can't (won't?) take better care of herself.
In all honesty, I didn't know how much care my dad was giving her until I just talked to him on the phone tonight to coordinate when Matt and I will be heading up there. He said that he needed to have a half-day with me before he heads out to Asheville so he can show me all of the care routines.
So I just learned that instead of just hangin' out and keeping an eye on things (which is what I thought we'd be doing), we're actually on oxygen tank filling/rotation duty, CPAP duty, medication dosing duty, insulin monitoring and correction duty, commode duty (and doody), showering duty, infected and non-healing wound-care duty, fallen-and-can't-get-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night duty, cooking duty, cleaning duty, and THEN general keepin' an eye on things duty. And also hangin' out duty, playing cards duty, seeing movies duty, etc. It's not all work, I imagine.
My dad is a saint, because my mom isn't easy.
I have the feeling this week my brother, sister-in-law and I are going to have to have The Big Talk... because if I didn't know the kind of constant care Dad is providing Mom, there's no way in hell my brother or sister-in-law know.
Anyhoo... thanks for asking. I imagine I'll be doing a lot of blogging this coming week from NJ.
xoxo
My heart goes out to you, and to your dad. Being a caregiver is Rough. If there is something I can do to help, please ask.
I'm sure I'll be blogging a lot this week... I'll make sure to remember to copy/paste it here from LJ... seems like OPW is where the cool kids are at now.
I know it's hard but you're absolutely right you need to make sure your siblings 100% get it. People second guess your actions something awful when things get, well, awful.
I'll be home for Thanksgiving (and probably a week before that) and at least two weeks at the end of the year. I can also take some time off as needed.
Point being: you know the deal. Can I come up and help out at some point? Does she need anything I can provide (even if that's just a visit one afternoon)?
Lemme know.
I'm sure she would love to see you... hell, so would I! So depending on where we wind up for Thanksgiving or Christmas, maybe we could work out a visit, with me at least!
But yep, we've been talking about moving forever, but now since my Mom is in pretty shitty shape, it's becoming more urgent, unfortunately.
(Huh huh, huh huh... landing strip. HUHHUHHUHHUHHUUUUUHHH...)