A sunny day is a welcome recharge. But they go away every night and I begin to doubt myself again. Piece by piece we've been cleaning and throwing things out. But I can't stop feeling empty inside. Now it just looks like clutter in the wrong areas, and I keep staring and shifting and moving things.

After a full check up by the doctor (which included blood work and me climbing the ceilings away from needles) I'm in perfect medical health. Which means all this depression and malaise is mental. And so I'm staring at an email of another offered therapy appointment and having a hard time hitting accept.

I hate that. I'm a person of progress, and I'm not sure how I got so bogged down. But it starts getting darker sooner during this time of the year. And so I don't move as much and I worry my kid, who is lively and beautiful and dances to make me smile. I'm really hoping she doesn't suffer through any of this when they're older.