We're reading Emotional Agility for a book club at work. While I have some of my usual self improvement book issues with it - primarily regularly the ability of an individual to dramatically change their external life through changing their internal self -> internal change and growth are great! and also trauma is real and other people have real effects on us. etc. etc. etc. - it has also given me some good things to ponder.

One of the sections, "Walking Your Why", delves into what your values are and keeping them front of mind when choosing your actions. I like to think that my values are pretty strong and clear, but it is also clear that I don't always have them front and center. The book lists a couple ways to get at what your values are: The usual list of questions ending with what if by some miracle all your anxiety and stress disappear, what does your life look like? and a journal exercise examining what you did that day that was worth your time. I stumbled across another method that I've been finding really useful - ask other people. P says the first family value of ours that comes to his mind is "being welcoming". S says one of mine must be "cooking".

So dear reader, what do you think my top values are? What are yours?

(I'll put my list-in-progress in comments)

xpost from dreamwidth

I've had an extremely sporadic tachycardia/arrhythmia for as long as I can remember - I'll get was feels like a catch in my throat, notice that my pulse is racing (~200 bpm), get slightly light-headed, and then everything will go back to normal a few minutes later. I tried to track it down with medical services in college, but we couldn't catch it on a monitor. I've never been able to predict it or determine a trigger - not caffeine, not panic attacks, not even hormones. It will happen a few times a month, or not for years, or every few months. Since getting a smartwatch with heart rate monitoring, I've been able to track it more closely and this Spring I mentioned it to my new primary care doc during my routine physical. She wanted me to get it checked out, which, yes, is totally reasonable

Yesterday I went to a cardiologist. He had me describe the whole thing, including that it doesn't really bother me, but my doc told me to come in. He said I didn't have to do anything at all, but as the conversation progressed leaned heavily on how I should at least get an echocardiogram and oh would I indulge him and agree to an event monitor and by the way, really, only one cup of coffee a day is the best plan.

I... don't want to do any of this. I didn't want to go to the Primary Care doc, let alone the Cardiologist, and I definitely don't want to give up my coffee habit.

And also, I'm 46, and I want to be around for my loved ones for a good while longer and if my heart is likely to go kerblooey, but the kerblooey is easily preventable, maybe that's a thing I should find out about.

And I'm totally fascinated by what one can find out about bodies these days.

So, I'm getting an echocardiogram (in June) and an event monitor (sometime, through the mail) and I'm cutting back on coffee and I'm cranky about all of it, but doing it anyway and maybe we'll find out something neat. But also, maybe not, maybe the heart is unknowable. Sometimes signals just get crossed.

(xposted from DreamWidth)