One thing that struck me when watching Cesar Milan's the Dog Whisperer is how he coaches dog owners to gain dominance over their pets.  He can walk into a room full of out of control, crazy barking dogs.  Just by being calm and assertive he will bespell them into submission.  

That's how people work too, in my experience .  As a female gamer I often run into a group of random guys and am reminded of Cesar facing the dogpack.  When in an unfamiliar social situation, sometimes people will naturally bark and try to rattle each other to establish dominance.  Most people are fine with not being the alpha (fe)male as long as their place in the pack feels right to them.  It's not knowing who's in charge often makes people restless and insecure, I think.  They bark, troll, try to see if they can make me lose my cool.  They're not being cruel or misogynistic in my view, they'd treat new guys the same way.  It's just human nature.  People need to feel social order on an emotional level or they will do what comes naturally to try to establish it.  When we interact with new people in real life, we do it subconsciously through body language and other visual cues but online, we only have words.  

So when someone's trolling, the way I see it is they're basically barking at me online.  They're trying to make me lose my cool, trying to assert dominance over me. If I let them rattle me and got angry at them, they'd win the dominance mini-game round we've just played.  If I return the serve with humor and grace they might keep trying but as long as no one gets angry or hurt, no one loses.

As a manager and guild leader I've had to play this game many times.  I actually enjoy it when I know the people involved and know that no one's feelings will really be affected.  Then it's a harmless test of will and spirit.  

Sometimes innocent bystanders have seen me and a bunch of crude gamer guys trash-talking each other and been alarmed, leaping to my defense.  Once one of my opponents in a game made a hilarious youtube video about a beanie baby cougar he named after my game character and then ritually beheaded...  Well, I thought it was hilarious!  I knew he wasn't serious.  In the context of the game we were bitter rivals.  Outside of the game, we became friends and remain so to this day.  

Er, but other people thought maybe I should call the cops just in case.  They were really upset by it.

So, he probably shouldn't have made that video right?  I should have been upset by it too?

Well, maybe.  But I knew he was just trying to troll me.  I trolled him back with a witty forum post.  Fun was had.   No anger required.

And now, Sol (3 mos) and Boots (1 year)