<< part of my continuing series recording memories to assure myself I've actually been to the places I think I've been to>>

Today, being undermotivated to write about my current life, and my head spinning with the realization that yes, indeed, I did book a 2 week trip to Porto and now need to figure out lodging & accommodations, I’m going to fall back on writing about a State. 

I’m gonna write about Connecticut

Almost all my Connecticut memories involve one formative trip to New Haven to vist Yale in the late ‘80s. These memories are poignant to me for some reason, clearer than trips I took even last year. I was a student at University of Delaware (Udel). I had a friend Nancy from summer camp who was going to Yale, so one long weekend I took the train up to visit her. Summer camp = CTY,  which was accelerated summer classes at a college campus. Smart kids could test out of a highschool course after attending CTY’s 3 week residency program. It was the first place I found my “pack” - other clever kids who didn’t 100% fit in back home. We kept in touch.

Anyway, I visited my CTY roommate Nancy and together we had a great long weekend. I look at my 20 year old self and cringe. I was a smart girl, but oh so boy crazy. But also zany and prickly and not interested in settling down. On the weekend up at Yale I found a guy (Ed, from wealth in upstate New Jersey) who I dated off and on for a year maybe. It went nowhere. I wonder what became of him. I wonder if I’d even recognize him now, or he me. I do look back and wonder, why was I so boy crazy and interested in dating around when I 100% did not want a future with anyone? I’m thinking it was probably the entertainment value, and that it made me feel more alive, and some insecurities that needed attention to ease. Still I cringe to think of my gauche self now, and wish I’d played some things differently.

I recall at Yale being introduced to the concept of veganism. We went to some party and the people drank vegan beer (isn’t it all?) (ok, I googled it. Beers are sometimes filtered with animal derived products. So those aren’t vegan), and there was talk about starting a brownie centric vegan bakery. Mind you, this was like 1989 and vegetarian eating - let alone vegan - was far from mainstream. Vegetarian food was often meat centric dishes without the meat, and sometimes tofu substituted in, and generally not very good. It was not the tasty inventive plant based dishes we have today. The Yale crowd was cutting edge in this regard. And I, a small town girl from a state school, wasn't sure if I was impressed or if I wanted to scoff. It did open my eyes to political relativity (<<< that’s probably not the right term but I don’t know a better one).  At UDel I was slightly on the liberal side of the population, and Yale I would be considered solidly conservative. 

There is a gate to an historic graveyard just outside campus engraved with “The Dead Shall Be Raised”. I have always found that ominous. I was impressed by the old stately architecture in general. I was in a phase of being fascinated by stairwells, but stumped on how to photograph them properly. Looking back, what I was experiencing was a fascination with Liminal Spaces. It wasn’t till recently that I understood there was a term for this - I learned it from my pre-teen. A liminal space means somewhere on the precipice of something new but not quite there yet. Often eerie, forlorn, surreal. I took a number of photos of the stairs, none of which came out. In those pre-digital camera days, I wasted much time and film trying to get a liminal shot. Never succeeded.

Visiting, I figured out that the students at Yale weren’t any smarter than the students at UDel, particularly in the area I was studying of Mechanical Engineering. But still they were offered more opportunities. I started to understand the value the network at a “brand name” school offered. Subconsciously, I set my sights on “brand name” for grad school, knowing that I could compete successfully with the Ivy crowd. I ended up going to Carnegie-Mellon, which didn’t exactly live up to my network expectations. Maybe it has one, but I never figured out how to engage it. 

Decades later, I wandered around New Haven when I was there for a work trip. I was hoping to find the mystique I felt from my college trips. It was not to be found. 

Most recently, in November 2020, I drove to Connecticut to buy a Ford Transit van which is now my camper van. I did not even try to look for the college mystique that time.

So yes, Connecticut. Been there.