Have you ever watched a boat in a storm? Lifting up on the waves, rolling to the side, slamming back down into the surf?  When the storm is too much, the boat takes on water, sometimes it even begins to sink.  Most of the time, no matter how harsh the weather, the ship will right itself.  The storm will pass. The sun will shine again and things will move on until the next storm strikes.  I've been thinking about this a lot lately.  Clinging to the mental image of the ship that survives the storm.

For the past few years, my life has felt like a series of storms.  I'm constantly bailing out the boat and waiting for the weather to change.  See, the problem with becoming more self aware is that you can no longer ignore the painful or unhealthy things in your life.  This is a real catch 22.  You press for growth and change in the hopes of finding peace and a better life on the other side. No one tells you about the middle part.  If they did, we would all stay put in our place. 

Well, I'm here to tell you about the middle and that everything is awful sometimes.   Sometimes, it all catches up with you.  You've spent so much time trying to survive (and even thrive) in the storm that you've totally lost your way.

You know that you are strong.  Others see your strength too.  They continue to count on and even drain you of that precious gift.  You begin to view your strength as a blessing and a curse.  It all starts to unravel.

 That's pretty much where I find myself today. Unraveled.  In the middle, where everything is awful sometimes.