what a day R. Francis Smith 8/14 '14

I think I'm going to take some advantage of the low-key nature of OPW and talk a little more freely about myself than I might otherwise.

I'm a depression sufferer.  Hi.  I'm also treated by fibromyalgia, which my neurologist tells me is maybe not a separate issue.  I am not offended by this idea.  I'm also diabetic, which probably is a separate issue, but who knows?  Anyway, I take tramadol three times a day to keep both the pain and the dark clouds at bay... mostly, in both cases.  So there's that.

I only bring this up because this week has exceeded the capacity of my usual regimens to keep me from going nutty.  Robin Williams, and frankly a lot of nonsense about depression thereafter, check.  Ferguson, MO (and New York! And L.A.! And whoever's next!), check.  Massive stress because classes start Monday -- I'm not a student, I'm the sole UNIX admin for a computer science department at a state university, so this is crunch time, basically -- check.

And so here I am using up my daily post (my first one, at that) complaining that I feel lousy.  Well, so it goes.  This is pretty much where my head is this morning, and hopefully that will pass (which is not to say I intend to shrug off the goings-on in Ferguson and so forth, just quit needlessly curling up in the fetal position, I guess) and tomorrow I'll be able to think of something else to write about.  Or not!  It's not like we're required to post daily.

And now, obligatory meta-talk: I sent out some feelers to people I think might be interested in OPW, so maybe I'll do a little inviting in the near future.

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8/14 '14 6 Comments
Thanks for posting! And I appreciate the chance to understand where your head is at.
Thomas Boutell
I theorize that one of the reasons depression is so hard to talk about is that it comes out sounding like "here are the things that don't actually appear to have any direct impact on me that are crushing me" and one just feels goofy. I have been chastised repeatedly by a friend for dismissing all of my own concerns, though, so once again this may be my own bias. I do a lot of "well, I wasn't actually physically abused" and "well, I'm not actually starving on the street or being murdered" sorts of thinking and self-filtering. At least I recognize my own privilege in this regard. :)
R. Francis Smith
On a side note, this post will probably change to "mutual friends" once I have more than one.

Oh, hey, that reminds me -- what do you think of some variation on "friends of friends" post permissions? A way to branch out a bit without actually being visible to people not logged in, etc.
R. Francis Smith
I find my mood varies strongly with blood sugar levels so it might be that you have a constellation of related problems. My experience is echoed by many others and my type is II - hyperinsulemic.
Melissa McDowell
Oh yes, it's highly likely that it's a group, and I'd bet a lot that it stems from whatever's wrong with my sleep -- failure to get restful sleep is a marker for the lot of them pretty much. Sadly, nobody's solved that or made a lot of progress with it. I've used a CPAP machine for ten years or more, and that helps me not actually asphyxiate, but my sleep problems go back very far indeed.

Truthfully, the trick has been trying to sort cause from effect, but isn't it always?
R. Francis Smith
My sleep is also not great, but is way better when I have good glycemic control. My personal feeling is that controlling the sugar improves everything else for me - as a 6 year old I was a raving insomniac. That's based on what house we lived in when I can remember being resigned to sleeplessness. I suspect you and I are on a similar plane that way.
Melissa McDowell